#but basically (and frankly this is true for most people) the more famous he got the worst his filmmaking became

[tokiwarcube]

Hello, I love your writing and hope you're doing well <3

Could you write hc's about Toki before dethklok got famous? Like in his flashback in Doomstar Requiem? Preferably with a reader that's very supportive of him and always goes to his concerts in shitty venues to cheer him on.

Aww, thank you so much! This week has been incredible — very tiring, but incredible all the same. And it’s been nice to come back to the hotel (or in this case, hang out in the airport) and work on fun requests like these! Below the cut! <3

Fresh out of Norway, Dethklok was nothing short of a dream come true for Toki. He doesn’t believe in God, but this is the closest thing he’s ever felt to divine intervention. That doesn’t even graze the gratefulness he feels for you — he can’t even begin to string together how much you and your unwavering presence mean to him.

He lives for the crowd, whether it be a shitty dive bar or… well, a less shitty dive bar. But frankly, this is his first time ever doing this — he’s gone from complete isolation to performing in front of others basically overnight, and he’d be lying if it wasn’t a little nerve-wracking. Especially when the crowd isn’t feeling it quite yet — there always seems to be a few people at the barrier who are clearly just there for the next band, and it can feel pretty damn crushing. But then he looks over at you, grinning and cheering for him under the neon lights, and suddenly he feels like he could do anything.

(He hates the idea of you tabling for this very reason — because yes you’re pretty, and funny, and you’d probably sell a damn-good amount of merch just by being you… but if he can’t see you in the crowd, he’s not quite the same on stage. And it definitely bleeds through into his performance, and his behavior after the show. He needs his number one fan!)

You’ve gotta keep him from throwing his pick at you every night. You have him — the fans can have a pick or two.

He always links hands with you after shows — hell, he’ll bring you into fan photos if you feel comfortable with it. You might not be on stage, but you're just as much of a band member as he is at this rate.

He begged you to come with them on their first tour — they were only opening for some other band, but still, they’re touring! And despite your better judgement, against the advice of your family and coworkers, love won out… and off you went. And the van was cramped, sure, and the food wasn’t exactly great; and yet, it was the most magical thing you had ever experienced.

(The memories still glimmer sweetly in your mind over a decade later, and even today, he still has all of the photos he took saved.)

It’s fun taking him to weird little American places — doesn’t matter what state you go to, there’s always something new and novel. His eyes light up just about every time you take him somewhere new, and honestly, it never gets old. He always has a myriad of questions, too. Doesn’t matter if its a national landmark or a fast food truck — he will have questions.

He’s particularly interested in zoos and animal sanctuaries, though. The first time he saw one of the big cats, he damn near vibrated out of his skin. You’ve gotta hold his hand pretty tightly so he doesn’t get too close to the leopards and jaguars when they start to chirp and meow in his direction.

He gets a very far-off look in his eyes listening to their stories sometimes, particularly as sanctuaries and rescues, but still, he always asks the keeper if you can just stay a few more minutes to watch them. Hand in yours, sat cross-legged on the ground, with nothing but fondness in his eyes.

(In modern times, you have to keep him from buying a big cat. He doesn’t forget the stories he was told, but he does think he’s different, and it’s a Herculean struggle to remind him otherwise.)

He experiments with fashion quite a bit, with… varying success. Truly, love knows no bounds. However, he does find that he does really like having facial hair after seeing how you smile against his lips when his hair tickles you just a bit.

He genuinely lives for your touch, to the point where he can’t really sleep without you at night anymore! But in the beginning, he was very nervous about initiating on his own. He would eat up anything you threw his way — even brushing by him in the cramped as fuck van is electric, to him.

He always asks you to tell him stories at night — anything will do (he loves to hear you speak), but he likes happy stories about you the most.

He loves holding your hand at night, gazing at you under the fluorescent street lights — they’ve become an odd little piece of your shared life, funnily enough. The dying streetlamp outside of your apartment, the highway lights as the boys drive the van around the country… it’s a simple thing, but their shine has lit up more than just the night for Toki.

[lionheartedmusings]

with mousey and bad together on the server, there's been a lot of talking about her as satan (it's been clarified by mousey that all she remembers is that she's a demon from hell) and her as bad's boss, and i wanted to do a bit of a deep dive on bad's demon lore through both a "pop culture" view and a more traditional biblical view.

in pop culture we've had a lot of mixing up of demon lore in general, with the prevalent idea that demons are creations of hell, and not all of them necessarily fallen angels or previously heavenly beings — it's a perfectly valid analysis, but i'm firmly convinced that bad's character is not just any demon, but instead very much a powerful demon that was once an angel.

let's start with what we do know of q!bad's personal history and slot things into their proper place. we know he's around 11600 years old (making his "date of birth" somewhere around 9577 BC. we also know he arrived in this world (which in this case we have to assume is whichever dimension qsmp is held in) in 9600 BC which means he lived the majority of his life away from his home — he was barely 23 when he "moved".

we also know that he didn't come to this dimension willingly, that he was summoned and in that summoning he caused serious destruction — it's been made pretty apparent that the man sunk atlantis, and frankly there's still a question as to whether he did it on accident or not, or the reason why he keeps it hidden. according to bonnie the horse, he sent them a lot of "salty souls" once, and bonnie has also dubbed bad "death of the sea". it doesn't matter whether bad is hiding because what he did made him famous, or because he feels terrible — what matters here is that one singular demon was able to cause the destruction and sinking of a whole civilization singlehandedly. he was also able to do it at a pretty young age.

we also know that bad has eaten souls before (as well as anything he can get in his mouth, apparently), that he's got a way to avoid being summoned (as he told dapper he'd let him know later) and that for better or for worse, he's immortal. so, it's safe to say that bad is an extremely powerful being that cannot be killed by any means, and who has enough control over himself to not only hide his true nature but also contain himself to the highest degree.

speaking of death, bad's relationship with it is very interesting on a few levels. we know he's employed as a grim reaper (and that being a grim reaper is completely removed from his origins, it's just a job) and that to one degree or another, he's acknowledged mumza as the goddess of death as being canonical to him as well (yesterday tallulah spoke about death as a beautiful woman, and bad confirmed to chat she meant mumza).

but what is a grim reaper?

traditionally, grim reapers (or those who served their role) were nothing more than physical manifestations of death with the purpose of easing humans from one plane into the next. they're friendly and kind, and historically for the longest time (up until the middle ages and the plague) they were positive figures, reminiscent at many times of angels.

now, onto angels. angels biblically are far from the cherubic vision we see most often — they're whatever they're needed for. they can be kind-hearted messengers, but they're also warriors and if need be, and they can be incredibly dangerous to humans. why did some fall? simple enough, they sinned. there are passages in the bible regarding the fall of angels and they're described as losing the war in heaven, being cast down with "satan" (while satan and lucifer are not entirely interchangeable and they're often considered two different people, biblically today they're presumed to be the same so let's just roll with it for now) into hell. other passages speak of angels who sinned against god and who await judgement in hell.

but what does any of this have to do with badboyhalo, you ask? well… more than it seems at first if you put it all together. on a basic level, bad wouldn't be considered your average demon — yes, he's full of mischief, has an odd moral compass, and can be incredibly violent, but he's also very kind, and very gentle, and very very loving. there are contradictions in his personality that could be discounted as meta… but the evidence continues to pile up. bad is full of angel iconography, from the actual halo in his name and in his preferred design, but his new build in his home is really beating us over the head with it — he build two statues that can only be described as holy warriors, dark and demon-y but with a golden halo and beautiful white wings.

then, there's "the chair". which is not a chair, it's very much a throne, but for whatever reason bad seems vehemently opposed to admitting that it is, in fact, a throne — it's huge, and full of dark and red blocks, fire… and behind it? huge angel wings. now, one could argue that they're bones, but there are details in the blocks that very clearly allude to feathers — the idea of white feathery wings is a direct parallel to angels, and i think it's very intentional.

who, then, is badboyhalo? i'd put my money on his personal lore being connected to the demonology idea of "the princes of hell" — angels who fell from the grace of god, and took up their kingdoms in hell. i'm fully convinced that bad is a prince of hell. now, which one? that's trickier, and not something we know enough to real pinpoint, especially when you consider that the identity of the princes of hell is pretty fluid — there's a lot of different texts who name different demons, so i'm choosing to simplify it until we get more information.

tl;dr - badboyhalo is not just any ol' demon, but a fallen angel — one of the "princes of hell".

a special thanks to @comradeboyhalo because this post was very handy!

[teenidleadultgirl]

someone brought up a good point that the narrative of ttpd is like he was the one telling taylor he would marry her and i agree but my long rambly post was more about the fact that she was willing to believe such bullshit obvious lies says something about who she was in that moment of time and her mentality.

the narrative of midnights is her wondering if she should leave joe for ratty and then ttpd is like the aftermath of that decision. taylor decided to tear her entire world apart based on the promises a man in her dms was telling her while they were both in relationships with other people. she thought she had it wrong with joe (and she did ultimately have it wrong but only because she had to change who she was as a person to date him which nobody should ever try to do imo) so she decided to date ratty instead. and my critique is more of why the fuck did she believe that this was "one true love" and her "soulmate" scenario.

the fact that she was willing to believe that man was her future husband says a lot about how she views herself and what she was looking for at the time. she wanted to get married and she was willing to follow whatever road promised to get her there first.

that's really what i was trying to dissect in that post because i feel like it says so much about what taylor believes in that she was willing to believe some cheating asshole was her true love just to get married. like to me that is the most interesting part of ttpd, dissecting taylor's beliefs around gender roles and how she feels failing to obtain the most basic thing that society says a woman who looks like her should be able to get.

i find the desperation to find a husband evident throughout this record and it seems really clear to me that taylor still holds onto some harmful patriarchial viewpoints on romance because the harm that she is willing to engage in to get married is wild imo.

her getting on stage to say cardigan was about ratty is wild when she claimed that joe and her wrote that song together. to me, the only conclusion i can come to from that is that taylor wrote songs about her desire to fuck ratty with joe, in front of joe, and then released those songs to the world. to me, that behavior alone and then writing a whole documentary where u say that james and betty end up together that anyone can back and watch now and now you're talking about yourself and ratty....

wild ass shit. wild ass behavior.

to me, this says a lot about her desire to get married and how willing she was to behave in such self destructive mannerisms in order to feel like she had some control over her life. idk like i just cannot stop thinking about the events of last year and what they say about the whole lover through midnights eras and it's just so....... yucky to think about anyone behaving like that and justifying it behind "true love" bullshit.

idk to me, i think its very interesting that the last lines of the standard edition is "you look like taylor swift... you've got edge she never did" because frankly, there are a lot of jagged edges to who taylor swift is as a person and she spent the whole record detailing just a few of them.

i think that again, taylor swift was like 30+ talking to her side piece and calling that true love in her head and that alone is worthy of critique. it's truly weird behavior to engage in when she has all the money in the world to leave an unhappy relationship without emotionally cheating on her partner for years and writing songs about it with them. ugh i truly cannot get over last year because wow what a fucking clusterfuck dude.

but going back to clara bow for a second, i find it interesting those are the last lines because to me i find them very sarcastic in nature i guess. like especially with the context of ms americana she is conditioned to want to be a good girl and she grew up in the public eye in 2006-2017 which is frankly a horrible time to be a famous girl, especially if u fit the beauty standard and she did and does.

like of course taylor doesnt have edge to the general public because they demean her and belittle everything she does by making fun of her and the. shaming her for having the audacity to feel anything about it. sadness, rage, guilt, acceptance, all of it is used against her unless she plays the 1989 girl.

you can see it in how she is portraying her current life and especially how she portrayed it after her break up with joe. she used the media to her advantage to both self sabatoge and craft this narrative that joe didnt hurt her actually and she left him first and she's totally cool with it, juat angry that's all because she gave it her best, she swears.

and like it's all so fucking disingenuous to me imo because it's clear from ttpd that she was not okay at all and honestly the only people she was fooling were the vipers hanging around for gossip because her fans on here especially were not convinced that she was as happy as she claimed to be.

and like idk it all says something about how she views fame, how she views public life, how she views romance when you really take ttpd and put it into context with all of the last four to five years of her life. and to me its more interesting to talk about how the fuck someone could believe such obvious bullshit at taylor's age because also keep in mind....

not only is taylor in her 30s but she has also been lied to several times in order for her partners to fuck her and it's like... haven't you learned by now? how many times do you need to learn the lesson that men dont propose marriage to a person they're not even dating, let alone make it 6 months with. like that's not even getting into the whole like pining for your ex while dating someone else thing thats super fucking gross behavior that sounds good re the way i loved you but is actually really fucking toxic to engage in irl because these are real people you're fucking with just so you can feel good about yourself.

idk like to me the confessions on ttpd that folkmore was about ratty and she would literally sneak away to see that man while dating joe says so much about who she is and what she values in life and i think its worthy of some critique tbh but also some examination.

she's not the first person to feel like this and judging by how many of you love the emotional cheating songs, she's clearly not the last person either. like why do women feel like its acceptable to emotionally cheat but why do we accept that behavior from women? its like the normalization of physical cheating from men that we do as a society.

idk i find it all very interesting to think about especially the broader societal concepts and what it says about how much yall enjoy the worst songs on this album. not worst as in bad sonically just worst lyrics ever and yall just really like it or relate to it in a way that i personally do not understand how.

i can understand it if you are young actually under 25 but anyone older that is vibing with these songs... how? idk like i feel like the youth having problematic love ideas is normal and to be expected but whenever i see older swifties talking about how much they relate to the emotional cheating songs i just feel so... weird inside because once again how.

its like i can understand the desire to cheat when you're unsatisfied but either talk to your partner about the thing u want to fix or get the fuck out if they refuse to try and work things out with u. why are u emotionally cheating. how are u getting to that point. why. just fucking leave.

i can understand it from like normal people who are married and cant afford divorce or are being abused etc etc but taylor has much more money and way more houses than joe does or did. she wasnt married. there were no kids to think about. she could have left as soon as she realized he didnt want to change anything about their relationship while she did instead of cheating for months to years on him.

idk i just find it very interesting to think about how even money and wealth cannot stop you from idealizing hollywood too much as a child and trying to be an icon instead of a human being in a way. like i try to unlearn these biases myself and its interesting to think about how you can have all the resources at your fingers and still refuse to grow and change as a person in any way that matters to the point of self harm and sabatoge.

this got so fucking long holy shit anyways

[serene-victory-77]

Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic

There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.

I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books

I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):

On Inej

- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book

- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”

- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with

- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case? 

- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid. 

As for her being calm

- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?

- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.

- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?

- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that

- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.

On Inej’s abilities

- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events. 

- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do. 

- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker

- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could. 

So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in

Onto Kaz!

- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does

- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.

- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts

- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.

- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass. 

- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:

- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.

- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning. 

- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books

- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger

- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history. 

- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones. 

- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?

- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try

- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians

- I think he passes the realism check overall

For the other Crows:

- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16. 

- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).

- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up

- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun

- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point

- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still

- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).

- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that  his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do

- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities

Final Thoughts:

- They’re Traumatized Honors Students

- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other

- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.

- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.

- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.

- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially

- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing. 

- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later. 

- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence

- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic

In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.

TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.

[scrawnydutchman]

Why George Harrison Was the Best Beatle

I’m back with another essay! Since I’ve been inspired by the recent release of the ‘Get Back’ documentary on Disney+ I wanted to take this time to share the most basic opinion on planet earth.

I. LOVE. THE. BEATLES.

They are easily my favorite band to ever exist, no contest. They’re often regarded as the best band of all time and folks who say they’re overrated are just desperate to sound original (yeah I said it, come at me). No band before or since has accomplished as much for music as these four lads from Liverpool. Everything they’ve done from their music to their stage performances to their on screen personalities to their active stances to their recording techniques to their album art changed so much about the world in so little time. I’ve absorbed so much niche information about these four and, at one point, dedicated an entire day to listening to every song ever officially released under the Beatles label. Honestly, what can I say that hasn’t already been said fifty million times by everyone with a pulse?

. . . . How about George Harrison was the best one?

Most people say John or Paul because the two of them have written the grand majority of the Beatles songs together and some even say Ringo simply because he was the most fun and charismatic . . but to this day I see George get the shaft all too often. George may not have contributed nearly as much songwriting in the Beatles run as Lennon or McCartney, but that wasn’t due to lack of talent. It took a long time for his voice to be appreciated in the bands makeup and honestly, as amazing as the Beatles were, I strongly believe that they were worse off for it. George was the most skilled, the most sincere, the most interesting and frankly the most genius of the Beatles and you don’t really see it until you stop to think about it. So without further ado, let me break it down. Here’s why George is secretly the best Beatle.

1. He was the youngest

when the Beatles were first forming into the fab four we know today, Lennon was 16, McCartney was 15 . . . .and George Harrison was 14. He was often questioned for his tender age and even made fun of by his cohorts, but he immediately impressed the group with his killer guitar skills and was brought in as lead guitarist. Think about that. Despite Lennon and McCartney having a one or two year lead on George he managed to impress them so much that he took such a major position on the band’s composition. 

2. He wrote some of the best Beatles songs ever

While it’s true that George Harrison’s songwriting contributions to the band are dwarfed by the Lennon/McCartney duo, that makes it all the more impressive that many of his songs ended up being some of the most iconic Beatles songs ever. “Here Comes the Sun” is the highest played Beatles song on Spotify. Many famous artists like Frank Sinatra agree that “Something” is the greatest love song ever made. “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” is one of the most popular songs on the White Album by a wide margin. Both Lennon and McCartney have gone on record saying that George’s songs on Abbey Road were the best on the whole record.

I would go as far as say that many of his other contributions to the band are underrated as well. “I Me Mine” is a great song to go back to on the “Let It Be” record. “Long Long Long” is my personal favorite song from the White Album as it has such a captivating ethereal energy that’s beautifully complimented by Ringo’s carefully chosen drumming. “Blue Jay Way” is one of the Beatles more interesting and uncanny dives into the surreal and that’s saying a LOT. Both “The Inner Light” and “Within You Without You” played a huge part in introducing western audiences to Indian style music. George had a lot more interesting things going on than he ever got credit for and, to be frank, the fact that his body of work on the Beatles doesn’t compare in scope to Lennon/McCartney also means that he didn’t have as many duds.

3. He often made the best contributions to other songs

What would so many of the Beatles’ most popular songs without George’s clever contributions that tie it all together? That iconic four note hook on “And I love Her?” That was George’s idea. The spectacular guitar solo on “The End”? That was George. The Sitar backing on “Norwegian Wood (This Bird Had Flown)”? I mean . . . do I even need to say it? And then of course, George played a big part in helping Ringo develop what is easily his best songwriting contribution to the band “Octopus’ Garden” (but to be fair Ringo’s only other songwriting credit in all of the Beatles history is “Don’t Pass Me By” which . . . . . I’m gonna stop here to avoid being mean).

For as much as George is dismissed in the songwriting department in the Beatles’ longstanding history, he is often responsible for the most memorable parts in a lot of songs.

4. He had the best Solo Career of any Beatle

Before the Beatles had officially broken up, George had already debuted his solo record “All Things Must Pass”. If you want the perfect indicator for how much of a genius George was, go to that album. John, Paul and Ringo all had a bit of a rocky start post-Beatles but George came out SWINGING, and All Things Must Pass is a prime indicator on the genius Lennon and McCartney were holding back by not letting George has as many contributions to each album. 

George has plenty of bangers past that album too. “Here Comes the Moon” is a beautiful lullaby-like song that is an obvious callback to “Here Comes the Sun” and managed to be uplifting in a way that feels totally appropriate for the night time. “All Those Years Ago” is a beautiful little tribute to John Lennon after his untimely death. Give Me Love (Peace on Earth) is a beautiful and uplifting song. “When We Was Fab” is another great callback to the Beatles. “I Got My Mind Set On You” is a bop.

Also, George co wrote what is perhaps the most famous song of Ringo’s solo career, “Photograph”. Once again, George coming in to give his buddy Ringo a hand.

So yeah. George Harrison was a brilliant musician and probably my favorite ever. His contributions to the Beatles are very underrated and he has a body of work that is absolutely worth exploring.

[anarmorofwords]

Why Cordelia going to Matthew's and leaving for Paris made perfect sense

I've been thinking about this a lot, and I know it's a hot topic in the fandom. When I initially read ChoI, I was very on board with this - yes, it wouldn't help them and was reckless and selfish and all that, but story-wise and character arc wise, it was a decision I enjoyed.

After some time in the fandom I sort of changed my mind, focusing strongly on the negative consequences and Sona/Alastair.

Not so long ago, I was whining with Lela @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 about the "If he hurts you, come back home" quote and the lost potential there. You know I live for Carstairs siblings content.

And to be fair, I'm still mad about that.

But just as making all the good decisions wouldn't make for very compelling storytelling, judging these poor dumbasses' choices too harshly makes little sense to me, especially when we're dissecting their actions while forgetting the circumstances, the emotions, and the fact that these characters aren't aware of all the things readers are aware of.

And thinking about Cordelia's pov, it's actually pretty clear to me why she would go to Matthew of all people, and why she did leave for Paris.

We're talking about how selfish it was to leave her heavily pregnant mother and brother who's been through so much and would really use her support, and when you put it this way, it sure sucks.

But it's not at all the way Cordelia sees this.

At the end of ChoI it's clear just how heavily she's crushed by being Lilith's paladin. That's her main focus, something that occupies - haunts - her thoughts all the time. She's not only ashamed, she's scared. She's scared she will hurt people (she already got dangerously close to that once), and she wants to save her family from possible negative repercussions. So she's not abandoning her family - she's removing herself from their vicinity, to make sure they won't become casualties of her mistake.

Obviously that's not her one and only motivation. She's a 17 year old girl whose heart has just been broken, which, frankly, would have been reason enough. But then there's also things she's been through before that - from the complicated marriage (that she's awfully young for), the constant threat of a serial killer, and her father's tragic death.

Then there's her seeking comfort from Matthew instead of Alastair, and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, too. I used to think "home" should be her first instinct, where she heads immediately, because that's the most natural thing. And her home is obviously her family, her brother.

Except... her relationship with Alastair is still a little shaky and unsure, and regardless of their efforts, they still aren't particularly close when it comes to sharing their feelings with each other.

Moreover, when it comes to the marriage/James... Cordelia doesn't want to dissapoint her mother - being a good daughter, upholding/saving family's reputation and overall living up to the "golden child" title is basically one of her main drivers throughout the series. And in her eyes, the truth behind her marriage to James is a big failure in all those areas. Add cheating to that? She thinks admitting that to Sona would break her mother's heart and also cause her shame, which she wants to avoid. I think she's partly ashamed of admitting all that to Alastair, too. We know she likes making her brother proud, and he warned her against being with James, which she didn't listen to. And if her pride wouldn't be wounded enough by that, there's also the fact that she still loves James. I think she fears Alastair would judge her for that. And if there's anything that might keep you from seeking comfort from the people you love, it's the fear of facing their dissaproval and causing them pain.

Matthew, however, is someone whose presence allows her to feel free and comfortable, and be herself, with no expectations attached. Most importantly though, he's the only person who already knows everything - not only about the nature of the marriage, but about Cordelia's true feelings for James, too. And he feels for her, understands her, and offers support with no judgement or pity. Like him or not, Matthew's been a steady friend - perhaps the closest one - to her for the past four months.

Now, to get back to the Paladin point once again, Matthew is someone who's also made a terrible mistake, which consequences still haunt him. Someone who considers himself a monster - and although Cordelia doesn't agree with that, that means he will understand her own guilt and terror. I don't know about you, but I personally sometimes forget just how horrifying the whole Lilith ordeal must have been to Cordelia - while she almost killed her best friend. That's awful, traumatising, and absolutely a valid reason for her to be slightly out of it.

Lastly, a small but not insignificant thing that might have also played into her decision, in my opinion - this girl deserves a break, goddamit. Through lonely, uneventful childhood, to the stressful time she spent trying to salvage family's reputation, constantly keeping herself in check and plotting, and finally to an emotionally draining marriage she's never had a chance to let go and have fun and feel free. We see the longing for that clearly during her car journey with Matthew - the longing to escape the weigh she herself - and others - have put on her shoulders. She wants to just breathe for a moment, instead of being a golden child, a respectable heiress of a famous family, a perfect wife.

So in a way, she is running away from her mistakes, responsibilities, and consequences, but doesn't she have every right to do that?

disclaimer: this is mostly my attempt at organizing my own thoughts on the matter, and, in case it's not obvious, everyone's totally allowed to disagree and have their own opinions; as long as you keep it civil, we can discuss that, or just agree to disagree and keep on scrolling

[whereisten]

True Love

A Jeno fic that’s a part of our Halloween Series!

Summary: You, an employee at an entertainment company, are immune to the charms of their biggest star Lee Jeno.

Pairing: Rockstar! Jeno x female reader

Genre: romance, drama, fantasy, suspense

Warning: alcohol use, smut mention, stalking, manipulation 

Word Count: 4.3k

(A/N: Hiya! I’m so sorry for the delay! It’s been so hectic lol! Thank you so much for your support and patience! Hope you enjoy! And shoutout to Krys for keeping me sane and for all of her love and support. I love you! :D)

___

To everyone in the world, Lee Jeno was the epitome of perfection and rock royalty. He was a gifted musician from the very young age of five, having specialized in several instruments in his childhood. However, his heart gravitated to the guitar. He became a trainee at LCF Entertainment and along with four other trainees, they became the world famous rock band, Temptation.

He was ranked in the top 23 in World Magazine’s Sexiest Men Alive this year. He was a walking and talking Adonis with a heartwarming smile.

Jeno was a man of many talents but he certainly didn’t let it get to his head. He was a humanitarian, a UNICEF ambassador, fostered shelter animals, was the proud owner of three cats even though he was allergic, a great family man (funding his siblings’ college tuition and providing for his parents so they could retire early), etc. He did it all and he had it all.

How could anyone be immune to his charms?

People wondered who would be the queen that would reign beside him when he settled down. Frankly, one couldn’t be anything short of a supermodel on the verge of sainthood. So many hopeful contenders were discouraged from pursuing him.

Jeno’s dating life was non-existent, the paparazzi dreaded to inform.

But you were an employee of LCF Entertainment so you knew the truth, as well as the true nature of the famous Lee Jeno. He was basically like any other young man with an inflated ego. He was cocky, a huge flirt when the cameras were off, very picky, and demanding. But no one ever dared speak a word of his true nature to the paparazzi. And you always wondered why. Someone had to bring him down a few pegs.

You were the staff photographer and videographer, in charge of capturing Jeno’s good and “relatable but still unbelievably glamorous” sides. When the camera was on, that was when you felt at ease.

It didn’t help that Jeno liked you either. Although you’d been working with Temptation and the individual members for a few years now, it was only recently that Jeno really was set on it pursuing you.

When you switched off the camera after the recording of Jeno’s backstage vlog, he sat comfortably at his makeup chair and proceeded to ask, “Y/n, will you go out with me now?”

You answered immediately, “No.”

Jeno gave you a sad puppy dog face. “Why not?”

“We’ve gone over this. I would get fired.” You wanted to spare his feelings so that was what you always said when he asked you out.

Jeno groaned. “You would not. I wouldn’t let that happen.”

You snorted. “You think you have that kind of power, Lee?”

He liked when you called him by his last name. “That’s because I do have that power, y/n. The new company building is funded solely out of my earnings from my last solo album.”

You whistled. “There’s that humility I’m always reading about in O!What Magazine…”

Jeno smiled. “You read articles about me?”

“I do when my name is in the article, boss.” You started packing up your equipment, ready to call it a day and head home.

Jeno got out of his chair and stood over you. He smelled of Dior Sauvage, cologne from his latest brand endorsement. He wore his stage clothes from his solo concert rehearsal. A sleeveless jean jacket top that parted down the middle to show his abs. Along his abs, silver chains dangled and added a nice glimmer effect when he was on stage. The entire team was thrilled to see how the audience would eat it up.

He whispered into your ear, “Y/n.”

Truthfully? He was attractive. You’d always had a little crush on him but it was of a shallow nature. You liked him for his looks. Not so much for his personality. You’d known too much.

If Jeno had been any other regular guy, you would’ve been open to a one-night stand.

But Jeno wasn’t just any regular guy.

You tried to hide the fact that shivers ran down your spine. “Stop.”

He chuckled. “But I can see you through the reflection, y/n...You're crossing your legs…”

You’d hoped he wasn’t that perceptive but it turned out he was. You hid away the fact that you were turned on. Your panties were damp but you’d be damned if he ever knew that.

You met Jeno’s perfectly lined eyes as he looked at you unapologetically. Everyone else from the staff already left. Jeno’s manager was waiting downstairs to take him to the radio station J-423 for his upcoming interview.

You were breathless now. “Jeno, you’re going to be late-”

He pulled you into him and kissed you, easily slipping his tongue into your mouth and working magic against yours. You couldn’t help but return his kiss. His mouth was paradise and you wondered what else he could do with it.

He let you go after a few minutes and cupped your face. “So are you going to deny that there’s something going on here?”

You tried to catch your breath as you wiped your lipstick off of Jeno’s mouth. “No, I guess not...But this is where it stops.”

Jeno frowned. “Y/n…”

“I know where I stand. And you know it, too. And Jeno, I don’t like you that way...I’m sorry.” You caressed his face and grabbed your things, leaving Jeno with an unreadable expression on his face.

___

As a member of LCF Entertainment, your ultimate goal was profit. That was what you had to know from the very beginning. There was no such thing as LCF Family or truly prioritizing the idols. Everyone was after themselves. Whoever brought the most money to the company would get the most attention and special treatment. And that was Jeno.

And you, an aspiring film director, were thankful to be on his team because this experience could open doors for you in the future as a director. Sure, Jeno was a diva and he couldn’t stop flirting with you, but the experience wasn’t all that bad. And yeah it was frustrating that the media and the public perceived Jeno to be the nation’s sweetheart. But in the end, he wasn’t hurting anyone.

He was only hurting people’s wallets.

Temptation’s merchandise always sold out quickly but Jeno’s individual merch was always the first to sell out. And it was the first to get resold for twice and sometimes even triple the price. The fanbase was very merciless and selfish with each other. However, the scalpers were the true evil. That was less money going to your company, after all.

Even though frontman Jeno was the most popular member of Temptation, it was Temptation’s drummer Xiaojun that you had a massive crush on for a long time now. You even accumulated a secret collection of his merch. You were two photocards away from completing your Xiaojun album photocard collection.

Xiaojun even admitted to liking you back but you both kept it a secret from everyone else in the world, especially LCF. You two weren’t about to compromise your jobs. However, since Temptation was the biggest moneymaker in the game and the boys had been with the company for quite some time now, their dating ban was lifted.

Which explained why Jeno had been asking you out all week, not caring who listened and it freaked you out.

If Jeno’s fans ever found out he asked you out, they would pin the blame on you.

A week had passed since you told Jeno you weren’t interested in him. You felt bad for hurting him but you were also worried about his mood. He had the power to get you dismissed. You refused to believe he would be so cruel.

And up until this point, you were right. You were still employed and Jeno spoke with you like any other day, talking about camera angles and new concepts for upcoming shoots.

The end of another work week and Xiaojun surprises you on your way to the bus stop.

“Y/n,” Xiaojun pulls up beside you in his Porsche. He looked so elegant in a pale blue sweater and blue jeans. His face was concealed by a mask so he could leave undetected. But you’d recognized those eyebrows anywhere.

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I...I think we should finally talk…”

“About?”

He smiled. “About dating.”

You nearly dropped your phone out of your hand from the shock. “Really?”

He said, “Get in so I can drive you home!”

You nodded fervently and got into his passenger seat. Was this really happening?

On the drive home, Xiaojun told you he wanted to take it slow and have indoor dates with you first. You couldn’t agree more. He even surprised you with a brand new pair of AirPods after you told him that your brother took them from you.

The first of many gifts, he told you.

You got home that night and screamed excitedly into your pillow so as not to frighten your roommates

___

It has been a month since you and Xiaojun started seeing each other. You were on cloud nine. He would visit you at your apartment and would play with his dog Bella. Bella loved you a little more than she loved Xiaojun so you two would always bicker and end the night in each other’s arms.

Jeno noticed the spring in your step as you filmed his cooking vlog. He was showing his fans how he cooked breakfast for himself when he had down time. He was in a plain white T-shirt and a pair of drawstring trousers. He looked relaxed and for many, delectable, as his hair was wet from a shower. He was trying very hard to get your attention once again.

He anticipated you averting your eyes and stuttering at the sight of him but nothing. You whistled while you adjusted the tripod’s position.

“What’s got you so happy?” Jeno asked.

You nearly jumped at his question. You decided to be upfront. “I’m seeing Xiaojun.”

Jeno’s cool facade nearly cracked before your very eyes. “Oh?”

You apologized. “I’m sorry, Jeno. I should’ve told you that I liked Xiaojun…”

Jeno was furious. What the hell did Xiaojun have that he didn’t? Jeno was more muscular, taller, more talented, wealthier, more attractive...He was superior to Jeno in every way and everyone else knew it, too.

He honed his acting skills and replied evenly, “Why are you apologizing, y/n? So you like someone else...I’ll live.”

You realized maybe Jeno didn’t like you as much as you thought so you felt relieved to hear his dismissive tone. “Right. Good. I just...thought you should know…”

You and Jeno continued the shoot. He acted like nothing had happened and even behind the scenes, he joked with you and asked you which of the female trainees he should ask out. You berated him because female trainees were not allowed to date and he knew this very well. Jeno was back to his arrogant self and you were relieved.

___

You got a text from Xiaojun that he was finishing up a filming schedule with his bandmates. You wouldn’t be able to see him today because the schedule was running overtime.

He told you to go to dinner with some friends at Osaka Moon. His treat. He was good friends with the chef, apparently. You were on your way to the restaurant to meet your friends.

You were shocked at how down-to-earth Xiaojun still was after achieving so much fame and then he would do things like this. It gave you whiplash but you were having the time of your life with him.

However, you noticed him across the street. Xiaojun always wore different wigs and masks for his disguised outings with you.

But this time, there were no disguises. His side swept blonde hair and his thin framed glasses. There was no mistaking that it was him.

Was the filming for the show at the Downtown Hotel?

You were about to call his name when you saw another woman wrap her arms around him and squeeze his ass. She had long wavy brown hair and a slender frame. She could’ve been a model or a singer. They both entered the expensive hotel. Very bold of him to take her out so publicly when he was still intent on hiding you.

You felt like someone knocked the breath out of you. You shook your head in disbelief.

Immediately, you dialed Xiaojun’s number and there was no answer. You called four more times and nothing.

Son of a bitch, you thought.

He played you. You should’ve known he was no different than any other dickhead A-lister.

You decided to call his bandmates. It turned out that the filming they’d done today wrapped up over two hours ago.

Haechan had no idea where he was. Jisung didn’t either. Jaemin was equally perplexed. Last but not least you called Jeno.

He answered. “Hello?”

At this point, you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore. “Jeno…”

“Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“Do you know where Xiaojun is?”

“Not specifically...he did mention he had a reservation at the Downtown Hotel…”

You sniffled. “He did?”

“I thought he was meeting you…”

“No, he wasn’t…”

“Oh...Oh, shit, y/n. I am so-“

“It’s okay...Thanks Jeno. I’ll see you on Monday…”

You told your friends to have dinner without you and to make sure to spare no expense because your so-called boyfriend was buying. You told them Xiaojun finished at the last minute and wanted to take you dancing.

A total lie so you could wallow at your local bar.

You sat right by the bar and downed a few glasses of beer. Just to feel anything else besides the betrayal you felt.

A half hour later, you were even more buzzed now. A young man sat beside you at the counter.

He started, “Hello, gorgeous.”

You looked at the young man. He was stunning. Another face that belonged on television. Another one of those who was capable of seducing you and tossing you away the very next second.

You flipped the bird. “Bite me.”

The young man scoffed and tried again, “Feisty, aren’t we?”

He got closer to you and you began to feel uncomfortable. “Please leave me alone…”

“Tsk tsk. A beautiful girl like you in tears? You need someone who will bring your smile back.”

“And you’re the man for that job?” Someone interrupted.

You were shocked to find Jeno here. He looked gorgeous in a black leather jacket and dark jeans. His hair was slicked back the way you liked it most and wow, you may have had one too many drinks...A few customers recognized Jeno and started whispering and taking their cameras out.

“Jeno?” You nearly lost your balance as you got up from your chair.

Jeno grabbed you immediately before the other guy could.

The stranger said, “Why do you get to put your hands on her? Just cause you're some pretty boy with mediocre music...I’m sure she’s nothing compared to who you’ve bedded before-“

Jeno socked him in the face and escorted you out of the bar. The stranger cursed you both out as you left. Jeno led you quickly into his manager’s car that he borrowed for the night. You felt a little dizzy.

Jeno fastened your seatbelt.

You smiled at him. “Thanks.”

He looked at you in concern. “Are you okay?”

You shook your head. “Why are men scum, Jeno?”

Jeno sighed. “I’m so sorry about-“

“Don’t say his name...I...never want to see him again...God, now I have to sell all of his merch…”

Jeno frowned in confusion and continued, “I’ll take you home…”

You didn’t want to face your roommates. “No...Can I…Spend the night with you?”

It took all of Jeno’s might not to get out his car and raise his fist in the air. But he composed himself. “Are you sure?”

You nodded, wanting to forget all about Xiaojun and have one thoughtless night with Jeno. “Yes.”

Jeno drove you two to his penthouse suite. He was cautious around you and you were ready to shrug away your inhibitions.

Jeno helped you remove your coat at the entrance. “Take a seat. I’ll get you some water.”

You sat yourself on the couch and opened your legs wide, exposing your panties underneath your skirt. “Jeno, fuck me right now so I can forget his sorry ass.”

Jeno hesitated then but seeing how irresistible you were...He couldn’t help himself.

He asked again. “Are you sure?”

You nodded. You were buzzed but not that buzzed. You wanted to spite Xiaojun. You wanted to acknowledge the part of you that longed for Jeno for so long, too. You’d be stupid to deny that you fantasized about a night with him.

You hesitated before but now you said, why the hell not?  

You and Jeno made love that night. Jeno was over the moon that you were finally in his arms. Sure it was a rebound but the look in your eyes when he was inside you had to mean something. There was a promise there and Jeno held onto that glimmer of hope.

Jeno took you home the next day and he was very cool about the whole night. Right before you returned home. you reminded him about how this was a one night stand and thanked him for a wonderful night.

You were resolute in dumping Xiaojun and simply going back to work. Thankful you only ever worked for Jeno anyway. And as expected, Jeno was his usual self: cocky, flirty, sending his food back for random reasons.

Xiaojun came under the fire for going to a hotel with a potential prostitute. The identity of the woman he was seen with remained a mystery. He tried convincing everyone that the woman was not a prostitute but he couldn’t remember how he met her or what she looked like. That night and along with how crazy Xiaojun sounded caused the company to encourage him to leave. Xiaojun’s contract with LCF Entertainment was terminated.

The week after you and Jeno made love...You started catching feelings for him. Every glance. Every fleeting touch. It drove you mad. And suddenly that one night stand was something you wanted again. And again. And again.

You accompanied Jeno and his manager as he attended a gallery opening. You were in charge of his photos for his social media. He looked extremely dapper in his red suit. You just wanted to rip his clothes off and make love to him in front of all of the guests. Becoming a work of art yourselves.

These thoughts you’ve been having used to scare you but now...you owned them. Tonight, when you got him alone, you would tell him how you really felt. You hoped you weren’t too late.

Jeno’s manager excused himself to get some refreshments. Jeno observed a painting while you took some more photos.

“Stunning,” you said aloud.

Jeno’s eyes grew at your words. “Wow, y/n...All the years we’ve worked together and you’ve never made a comment about my looks…”

Your face grew warm then. “I’m feeling a little bolder these days…”

He grinned. “Is that so?”

“Jeno, I won’t beat around the bush…I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that night…”

“Y/n…”

“I know I said it was a one night stand and...You’ve moved on…”

Jeno started, “I haven’t…”

You were shocked to hear it. “Really?”

He moved closer to you and moved the camera away from your line of sight. “What are you saying, y/n?” His voice was dangerously low.

“I’m saying...that I want to be with you, Jeno.”

Jeno’s smile looked so gorgeous then. He was the true work of art at the gallery. “Well, y/n, I’ve made my feelings abundantly clear for a while now…”

He kissed you then. And the cameras started flashing.

You were on cloud nine. You finally released your suppressed feelings for the rockstar before you.

___

You’ve been together for two years now. He made you feel safe and loved. He showered you with gifts and trips to the most beautiful parts of the world.

As for the response from netizens and the company? Jeno had all the power and he could handle a few naysayers. Your job as his photographer and videographer remained intact. And you were well on your way to transitioning to your own film projects: your dream.

You and Jeno had become a couple to root for. They called you The Prince and The Pauper Turned Princess. You hated your label but whenever you looked at Jeno’s eyes, any anxiety or anger quickly faded.

Jeno had a solo performance in your city tonight and you were seated in a private booth. He was performing so well, moving from instrument to instrument. Driving people to tears with his long low notes. And then he surprised everyone with his announcement.

“Before I perform ‘Changed Your Mind’, I want to give a shout-out to the woman of my dreams, y/n, who is here with us tonight.”

The stadium roared in excitement and many heads turned to you. Your eyes never left Jeno.

“Y/n, I love you so much. We’ve come so far, baby. And I want us to never stop. Which is why…”

He got down from the stage and was escorted by security down to the crowd. He ran his hands past adoring fans as he made his way to you.

He entered your booth with his camera crew and security close by. “Y/n, will you marry me?”

You cried out, “Yes!”

Jeno picked you up and spun you around. You kissed passionately. The crowd’s roars thundered now. It was a celebration. You didn’t care that all eyes were on you now, as well. All you cared about was Jeno. And he loved you more than anything else in the world.

You truly found your soulmate and you couldn’t be happier.

___

Jeno finished his show and was backstage cooling down with a bottle of water.

“Good job tonight,” a woman said as she stood at the door of Jeno’s dressing room.

“Thank you, sis. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Jeno’s older sister Yeeun sat on the couch of the dressing room. “How does it feel to have her in your clutches now?”

Jeno smirked. “Pretty damn great.”

“And I’m here to collect my payment, little brother.”

Jeno sighed. “Really? It’s been two years.”

Yeeun looked at her manicured nails. “I’ve been busy.”

Jeno laughed. “Screwing over taken men? I’m sorry, I meant screwing taken men?”

“Nope. That task was a one-and-done deal. How is that poor boy doing these days?”

“Xiaojun? He’s back at school getting his master’s...He’s happy.”

“Has he tried to contact y/n since then?” Yeeun asked.

Jeno chuckled. “No. Why would he?”

She smiled at him. “They were sweet together. And you tore them apart because you couldn’t take no for an answer, could you?”

Jeno rolled his eyes. “And what about it? I have a right to get whatever I want. Do you know who I am?”

Yeeun sighed. “Yes, you repeatedly tell the family group chat who you are every week. And we all take it because you pay us well…”

Jeno and Yeeun had conspired against you and Xiaojun. Jeno stole Xiaojun’s phone and Yeeun charmed Xiaojun to join her for a night at the hotel. Jeno planned for you to go to Osaka Moon so you could see Xiaojun and Yeeun together.

Jeno watched you as you broke down in tears, calling each of his bandmates. He made sure he was far enough away by the time you called him. He played the part of a concerned friend very well. He had to take up acting, another field he would surely dominate. And with you as his director? It made him hard just thinking about it.

Jeno didn’t coincidentally find you at the bar. He’d been tailing and that stranger who hit on you was only an added bonus. Jeno could play the unsuspecting hero and you would eat it up. And that you did. He was satisfied to know that you wanted to sleep with him. He didn’t care about being a rebound.

Even so, he wasn’t going to take any chances. So after you left his penthouse the next morning, he took the bedsheets you came on and the strands of hair you left behind and got to work.

Did you really think Jeno amassed such success and wealth all on his own? He had a little help from his family and their friends from Hell, of course. Jeno’s family came from a long line of Satan-worshipping witches. Jeno was the youngest of the descendants.

Human sacrifice was only a small token of the Lee family’s appreciation to Lucifer. So Jeno’s deception of Xiaojun was almost nothing in the list of gruesome things Jeno has done to reach the top of his game.

Yeeun was able to literally charm Xiaojun with her own special concoction. Once she and Xiaojun had sex, she wiped his memory of that hour and left him alone at the hotel. Confused. Disoriented. Worried.

As for you? Well, you were the most irresistible creature in this world. Your immunity to his charms was only the first step in his growing feelings for you. You were brilliant and talented at your craft, always capturing his best features on camera. You were gorgeous. He was surprised you didn’t become an idol at LCF yourself. You were warm and sweet and giving. Even if the company was cutthroat, he saw how you’d be with your coworkers and the other idols. You were just a pure, loving girl. And he desperately needed you. Desired you. Craved you.

He simply had to call you his.

With your samples, he was able to create the perfect spell to make you his.

Forever.

That was what Jeno called true love.

[Fin]

[captaincoffeegirl515]

What the hell was that last act???

So first of all I want to say that I did enjoy most of the movie. It was okay. The sex scenes didn’t do anything for me though since I’m just not interested in sex at all. But while I more-or-less liked the movie, I felt that the big plot twists in the last act and the ending were badly done because… how the fuck did ANY of them manage to get away with ANY OF THAT??? Like from a legal standpoint it’s just ???

This got so much longer than I anticipated, so the rest is under the read more. And yes, there are so many spoilers. So if you haven't seen The Voyeurs yet and don't want spoilers, please avoid this.

Seb and Julia literally confess to selling their old apartment in order to spy on the people who live there and use them for their art show. Like, yes, they put that clause in the Terms of Agreement for the apartment (which literally no one ever reads) but there is still the matter of Informed Consent. Informed Consent is usually in the form of a contract Pippa and Thomas both need to read and sign, or via verbal questions and answers which is filmed so Seb and Julia would have physical proof of an agreement. This is basically telling them what footage was taken, how it will be used, and if Seb and Julia have permission to share the footage publicly. In Thomas’ case, since he’s dead, his next-of-kin will be asked. Only then are Seb and Julia legally allowed to publicly share and showcase the Pippa and Thomas’ pictures. And Seb is a professional photographer! He should know that!

Have you ever seen prank shows? Like even the ones on YouTube. Have you noticed at the end of some videos, there would be a part where the filmers would approach the person who was pranked and ask if they could use their footage in the video. That’s Informed Consent. They need to ask permission to use a person’s footage in a video or if they need to blur out the person’s face for privacy. Seb and Julia even showed a picture of a dead man for chrissakes! Remember the outcry when that YouTuber posted a video of a suicide victim in Japan???

The Japanese interviewer was right to disapprove of their methods because even though there was a clause in the Terms of Agreement, the prank (because isn’t that what that whole show they did was?) or experiment still resulted with someone killing themself (yes I know it was murder, but the world doesn't know it). They can possibly still be held liable for causing Thomas to kill himself the same way a prankster can be held liable if their victim dies from a prank because of this thing in Law called the Eggshell Rule or Eggshell Plaintiff.

What this means is that a defendant is liable for any injuries caused by the defendant’s actions, regardless of how unforeseeable or uncommon the plaintiff’s reactions to the defendant’s actions are. So for example, there is a scary prank where the prankster jumps out of the bushes and terrifies people. One of them turns out to have a heart condition, suffers a heart attack, and dies. Regardless of the victim’s frailty, the prankster can be held liable for exacerbating the condition and causing the victim’s death. Likewise in the movie, they can say that Seb and Julia, by orchestrating the whole thing and making Thomas see his girlfriend cheating on him, could have caused him to become broken-hearted and kill himself. Therefore, Seb and Julia can be liable for Thomas’ death.

And then here’s the kicker! The famous photographer and his wife, a famous model, both suddenly end up blind AFTER their big art show where they displayed Pippa’s scandal. And not by accident. No. This was obviously surgically done. And NOBODY suspected foul play?? Nobody thought about revenge?? Nobody thought it strange how their blindness was clearly done with a surgical/medical precision nor suspected the couple’s subject, Pippa, who they thoroughly humiliated, who also worked as an optometrist technician at a lab that has the machines that could cause that kind of blindness??? And they're both still alive! They can easily tell the police who did it!

It should have been way too easy for the police to know that it was foul play. Blood tests can tell that Seb and Julia had been drugged. How they were blinded can be traced to the optometry lab. Pippa would be the easiest main suspect due to her connection to them with revenge as the main motivation after they humiliated her in that art show.

And yes, I agree that what Seb and Julia did was wrong. They used Pippa and Thomas, and then murdered Thomas so they can have some juicy story to tell!

Even so, what happened to Ethical Codes in the medical field? What happened to the Hippocratic Oath? Non-maleficience rule? “Do No Harm”? Pippa should have been slammed with, idk, medical malpractice or something, after using her knowledge of the LASIK machine and using it to permanently blind people (which is an actual fear real people have about LASIK surgery), have her license revoked, be fired from her job, and possibly serve jail time. Why is she walking free all willy-nilly and still being allowed to continue stalking Seb and Julia?

I’ll admit though that maybe I’m being more harsh towards Pippa because I myself used to be a Board Certified medical professional (my license expired last year because I hadn't been working in that field for a while) and because of that, her actions angered and horrified me more.

Normally, we as an audience are made to root for the main character or hero, but I found it difficult to do so because Pippa herself is a terrible person. She's a pervert and a creep. She was obsessed with the lives of other people, stalked them, and even went as far as committing crimes in order to fuel her obsession - trespassing, breaking and entering, destruction of private property.

And my goodness this actually makes me think of a few Ben Hardy stans who are like this. Well, idk if going to Ben's school so that she can get a copy of a school film he was in can be considered a crime, but it's still fucking creepy.

Pippa’s got that Savior Complex where she tries to rescue this poor neglected wife from her horrible cheating husband (the same one she herself wants to fuck because she’s obsessed with him). And then when it all goes south, she immediately turns around and blames THOMAS of all people because “he started it”. Like, so what if he did?? He still had enough maturity to realize when they were taking it too far, and decided to stop with the stalking. He told her to stop multiple times but she was too blinded by her obsession and lust for a man that she doesn’t even know.

AND THEN!! She stalked a grieving husband (I know we know that was a lie but Pippa didn't know that) and proceeded to cheat on her boyfriend with said grieving husband. And frankly, I don’t understand why she’s so vengeful about Thomas’ death considering how easily she forgot him so that she could cheat on him. Like. Who knows, maybe he still would’ve killed himself regardless of the poisoned drink because the last thing he saw was his girlfriend cheating on him with the man she’d been obsessed with for the past idk how long. Even in the scene after Thomas died, there was a momentary grief where Pippa was all “it’s my fault Thomas died” but it was all too brief and immediately after she went back to obsessing and asking about Seb. And they want me to believe that she’d want to avenge Thomas’ death? No. I think she blinded Seb and Julia because she was angry at being called out for her obsession. For being told that she was wrong to go that far. It wasn’t about her “love” for Thomas. It was about how humiliated she was about being wrong.

Can you believe that Pippa gave this whole speech with the fable about being content with what you have and not to try to be greedy by wanting more and then she just immediately DOES THE OPPOSITE OF THE MORAL by cheating on her boyfriend because she wanted more aka Seb???

The more that I think about it, I feel like the true villain of the movie is Pippa herself. Her obsession with Seb is what started the whole thing. If she had been able to keep a healthy distance, none of that would’ve happened to begin with. There would be no fights over how far things were going. Seb would have no scandal to tell. She worsened Thomas’ insecurities of not being enough for her, making him go to great lengths just to try to please her. Poor Thomas. He truly deserved better.

Pippa also has awful friends. Instead of stamping down the creepy behavior, they’re giving tips on how to listen in on other people’s private conversations! And then later try to excuse her cheating on Thomas. And then help with her obsession AGAIN.

Acting-wise, I felt that Natasha, Ben, and Justice were incredible and I loved them. I love how conflicted Ben played Seb and how you can see it in his eyes. My favorite scene was the one where Seb and Julia had that confrontation over the wine where Seb asks if she ever felt guilty and Julia just stares right back and stares him down. Natasha was brilliant as Julie pretending to be all friendly and vulnerable with Pippa. Justice was very emotional and I love the scenes where he was horrified at how far Pippa was taking everything. For me, Sydney was the weakest one at acting. While there were some okay parts, her face can be really stiff at some points, like during the sex scenes.

Overall, I thought the movie to be quite thought-provoking especially in this day and age where people can find the most intimate details of another person’s life so easily, be that through Carrd, Instagram stories, Facebook feeds, and other social media sites. It makes you think about parasocial relationships, how people can be so obsessed about people that they’ve never even met, and how that obsession can easily grow into something dangerous that can ruin lives. Good movie, terrible last act. Too much sex for my taste, but then it wouldn’t be called an erotic movie.

Outside of the movie, I really love the chemistry between the four of them. I love watching their interviews and seeing how they interact with each other.

Last but not the least, I know this may be random but my brain likes to zoom in on the weirdest things. How on earth did Pippa manage to get Seb on top of that operating table?? No offense but Pippa is fucking tiny. Seb’s like twice her size and mostly muscle AND unconscious. Like ??? Sorry but that threw me off so much it’s ridiculous.

[betweentheracks]

On a scale of 1-5000, how annoyed do you get when people have the gall to tell you, “Wow! You’re so lucky!” when they find out that you work in entertainment and with celebrities?

Also on a scale of 1-5000, how unimpressed are you with the celebrities you end up working with?

Please share some horror stories so we can commiserate over nightmare clients! 😂

Yeef and also yikes, do I actually want to dive into this particular can of worms? Lmao. 

I thoroughly see spots of red in my vision whenever people try to do the whole “Wow, that’s really cool and lucky for you! How many famous people have you met or worked with? Your life must be so glamorous and exciting!!” Like please, spare me. It isn’t glitz and glitter all the time - in fact, the fun parts are in the minority of how working in this industry goes. Beyond that, I’m not ‘lucky,’ I worked my ass off to pull this off and have never slowed my pace (until this COVID-19 chaos) to ensure my post remains relevant. In accordance to your ranking, I guess I would go with 4999 points annoyed.

Frankly, my rating and impressions of my clients are like a river that flows on and on and yet there is no apparent water to be found. I have a good rapport with most of the ones I am contracted with exclusively, but they're prone to make my feelings change from sentence to the next. Celebrities will forever remain exhaustively effervescent. 

If you really want some dish, I can offer up some from a client I once worked with in my apprenticeship and how much I hate the time I had to spend with her while also retaining a sense of gratitude for helping shape me into someone that can withstand some of the prickly goings-on of the industry. She wasn’t even my client, as I was merely apprenticing and therefore was little more than a ghost that shadowed one of the veterans of our company. I’m highlighting this now before diving into the thick of what was the worst week in my career thus far because it is extremely important to keep in mind that I was under no actual obligation to work with this woman. 

Ahem, so, story time! Let me start off with first making it clear that even now I will only work with actresses and actors when I have no viable means of refusal. This is simply a preference of mine and stems mostly from this woman’s behaviors and treatments of me and some of the crew I worked with at the time. I was quite young when I entered my apprenticeship, like barely more than 20, and I was simultaneously accustomed and starstruck by the world I was entering. Before the apprenticeship, I had already been working off and on via temporary contracts and commissions as a MUA at the time, so I knew the ends and outs of the place and the people that worked my end of it. However, I hadn’t worked with many clients one on one as either a MUA or as an aspiring wardrobe stylist. Due to this I was still very green and awkward and hadn’t yet figured out the line between casual and professional (to this day, for me, this line is nearly nonexistent) and I tended to make a mess whenever I opened my mouth so mostly I kept quiet and melded into my role as an observing trainee with occasionally useful ideas but was mostly just an extra pair of hands. The stylist I was shadowing was, in a word, cumbersome. They weren’t a very great teacher and had a tendency to drop projects into my lap without much proper instruction or insight and would leave me to attempt making sense of what was wanted by means of vision boards and client portfolios. In much a similar fashion, when a scheduling conflict came up involving the actress which will star in this tale and another more major artist; naturally, he had to see to the client he had a more tangible contract with and stuck me with wrangling our golden girl. 

Within the first 4 sentences of our first exchange as stylist and client I hated her immensely. She was the type of client I abhor to work with; overbearing and demanding, thankless and impatient. She was in the midst of her career finally catching some interest which is the most pivotal time in any celebrity’s career and I like to think she was so bitchy and just plain mean due to the stress and pressure she was under but it doesn’t make what happened any more justifiable. Her immediate and first words to me were, “You’re young and clueless enough to be my baby sister. Whatever authority you think you can have in dictating what I wear ended with the sound of the door opening when you stepped in, get that straight now.” I remember this extremely clearly because I went from gobsmacked to incensed within the time it takes to pop the top on a can of soda. But! I knew at least enough to know to keep my mouth shut and temper my immediate dislike of this person and tried to push forward and steer the conversation in the direction of what her ideal style and presentation should be. It went well enough for all of an hour tops before she domed me again by calling me “baby sis” in place of my name. As I am, in fact, the baby sis of my family I am well aware of when a power play is being maneuvered in on me and spotted this for what it was: her trying to remind me that I had no right to be speaking to her, let alone designing her. This was a culmination of her being upset and put out that she wasn’t chosen by my mentoring stylist and was stuck with someone that had basically no merits behind her. 

Calling me this wasn’t really an issue for me, but it did chafe against my skin enough to make me feel uncomfortable and anxious. Still, I let it slide and she continued to call me as such for the duration of our time together. The true horror of this story is what comes next and the escalation from minor verbal insults meant to belittle me fanned into blatant sabotage. She and I had come to a sort of estranged agreement when it came to modeling her vision board - she wanted to retain some traces of her perceived sweet and demure self from when she was cast in her first role, but play up the maturity and grace she held now and have it reinvented into timeless class while holding a touch of being chic. It was a headache to make sense of since, from a the perspective of fashion and trends at that time, this wasn’t the ideal and even seemed counterintuitive to someone in her position and of her age. I went along with it and threw myself into the quest to pull from the brands she mentioned liking most and for days I learned firsthand how exhausting and tedious it is to make acquisitions and swear responsibilities/accountabilities one after the other and put my name and my company on the line. I handpicked every item and steadily managed to pull off forming my second ever ensemble of 4 sets of styles each with 2 or 3 substitution items that could alter the look entirely while still remaining within the realm of what the client had asked for. I worked upward of 13 hours for 4 days and when I finally was able to bring the client to her showroom and present my designs, I was only able to feel relieved for mere minutes before she began to yell and make a scene. She demanded my supervisor and the head of the styling department of our company both come to tend to her and see what a mockery I had made of her ideal image. She went on to use her acting quirks to insinuate that I had gone off half-cocked and overruled her every idea and word and then dared to present her with such low quality fashions. She even managed to produce a vision board that was entirely different from the one she and I had planned together! It was obviously done by herself and lacked the detailed attention any of the stylists housed in our company would have added, but it was convincing enough to appear damning. 

At this point my head was in a weird place, trying to make sense of the perilous world I was throwing myself into and the fact that this was actually happening to me at all and wasn’t just me daydreaming while watching daytime dramas. After I worked through that initial shock, I was more than mad but less than enraged. I was confused as to why this client was being so purposefully obstinate and difficult for me, even briefly wondered what sort of grievance I could have possibly cost her when I had only just met her and had done my utmost to seem cool and pro like all the seasoned stylists I had worked with. I thought I was going to lose my job and have to go back to my family with my tail between my legs and tell them they were right and I never should have strayed from my original course and career path. I only became aware that I was crying, like big fat tears that made a mess of my face and were embarrassing to the point that I wanted to flee, because my supervisor had given me his handkerchief. It was at this point that I teetered and looked deeply at the person accusing me and wasting my time and efforts and realized that it wasn’t about me and was only ever about her. This moment of clarity, though, was like the opening of a gate I had been clinging to all week in hopes of keeping all my spurned senses quietly simmering beneath my skin rather than wreck my name and finish off my chances before they truly begun. I very rudely told my supervisor and the department head that if they needed proof of my hardwork and dedication to the vision of a thoughtless actress caught in the weeds of her own wilting fame then they were free to examine my copy of the original vision board and compare it with the one she had; that they could check through the 15 or so LORs under my name and in her stead (both names are featured for security means). Anyway, she was attempting to spill a stain across our company and specifically the stylist in charge of me for blowing her off. Her idea was that if I failed in a big way it would make him look like a horrible mentor and cost him some of his reputation. I was merely cannon fodder.

This got insanely long - let’s put it up to me also being a storyteller and writer as well as very passionate about this encounter. It sparked the timid embers of my uncertain pursuit of my career into a fire that has since gotten me through many other rounds of hard hitting clients and their excessive personalities and entitled arrogance. I love my job a lot, but man is this industry full of bullies.  

[ovvnwords]

WANTED  CONNECTIONS  ....  hi  here  is  a  list  of  connections  i  would  really  really  want  for  my  gremlins.  inspo  from  all  places  ;  music,  movies,  pins,  etc.  i’ll  post  this  in  the  server  /  put  it  linked  in  my  pinned  post  but  for  best  results  send  me  a  dm  on  d/scord  bc  i  suck  at  things!  thank.

AVIVA  ROUX  .  podcaster  /  content  creator (  meg  t.  stallion )  !

GIRL  GANG  !  not  necessarily  ‘girls’  but  yk  what  i  mean.  very  close  knit,  always  hanging  out,  never  one  w/o  the  other,  etc.  i  like  the  idea  of  them  all  bein’  kind  of  different  ----  breakfast  club  style?  (  aviva  cld  be  the  *jughead  vc*  i’m  a  weirdo  for  example  ).  idk  i  think  it’d  be  neat  n  interesting  cld  even  have  group  chat  edits  n  things  on  the  dash  frankly  i  wld  just  like  for  her  to  have  some  friends!  inspo  ( one  ,  two )  .

PODCAST  PARTNER  ! the  shane  to  her  ryan,  so  to  speak.  the  show  talks  about  mysteries  and  internet  oddities  and  different  spooky  things ( they  borderline  on  true  crime,  but  they  don’t  necessarily  go  into  detail  about  cases  if  that  makes  sense  )  .  i  think  the  dynamic  of  a  outrageous  thinker  to  her  pessimistic  ideals.  inspo  ( one  ,  two ,  three  ,  this  tag  ) .

YOUNGER  SIBLING  !  i  like  to  imagine  they’re  pretty  close,  maybe ��close  in  age?  i  don’t  rlly  have  much  to  say  about  this  one,  should  probably  put  it  on  the  main,  but  i  love  sibling  connects  so  !

HATEHSHIP  !  someone  she  jus  can’t  stand  yet  can’t  stay  away  from.  maybe  they’re  an  asshole  but  damn  cute,  or  another  reason.  inspo (  one  )  .

ROOMMATES  ! like  to  imagine  it’s  a  bunch  of  them  living  friends-style,  either  in  the  same  apartment  or  even  building  (  or  wld  that  be  jersey  shore  style.  idk  ) but  it  cld  be  fun  especially  if  they  don’t  get  along  all  that  well  but  the  rent  is  nice  and  they  make  it  work.

FIRST  CRUSH  ! eeeeeeeeeeeee  they  cld’ve  met  when  they  were  children  and  had  one  of  those  one  day  long  things  in  elementary  school  where  they  broke  up  bc  they  didn’t  share  crayons  or  something  JSDVKJDFVKJV  they  could’ve  remained  friends,  been  neighbors,  had  crushes  or  a  fling  in  high  school  .

EX  SQUAD  !  i  like  the  idea  of  aviva  having  a  solid  friend  group  in  high  school  that  all  aren’t  good  terms  with  each  other  for  whatever  reason  ..  don’t  have  to  figure  it  out  asap  i  just  love  the  tension  thts  all.

BEST  FRIEND  /  RIDE  OR  DIE  ! someone  who  has  her  back  and  vice  versa.  supports  each  other  thru  thick  and  thin,  gives  each  other  the  whack  on  the  head  they  need  every  once  in  a  while.  inspo  (  one,  two )  .

FLING  /  FWB  /  HOOK  UPS  ! kind  of  self  explanatory.  aviva  doesn’t  really  have  a  preference,  if  she’s  attracted  to  u  she’s  attracted  to  you,  has  her  fun  but  s*x  isn’t  really  her  idea  of  a  fun  thing  to  do  24  /  7  .  like  to  imagine  she  mostly  goes  for  women  ( hey  ladies  .... )  !

EX  PARTNER  ! i  like  the  idea  of  them  being  super  cute  n  lovey  dovey  in  hs  but  then  maybe  one  of  them  went  off  to  college?  they  had  a  falling  out?  ended  on  not  so  great  terms?  the  possibilities  are  endless  to  be  frank!

RIVAL  /  ENEMY  /  SOMEONE  SHE  JUST  CAN’T  STAND  !  ig  this  could  be  more  chemsitry  based  but  they  just  avidly  dislike  each  other  for  one  reason  or  another?  can’t  stand  each  other?  petty  tweets  /  subtweets  etc  etc  .  could  be  fun  n  juicy.

FRIENDS  !  self  explanatory.

DAWSON  ELLIS .  unemployed  /  formal  journalist ( chris  pine  )  !

FRIENDS  !  self  explanatory.    he’s  40,  so  rlly  he  just  kinda  vibing.

RIVALS  /  ENEMIES  !  i  like  the  idea  of  just  hating  each  other  since  high  school  and  just  have  this  burning  hatred  for  each  other  even  after  all  this  time  …  chuckles.  inspo  (  one  )  .

PEOPLE  HE  TAKES  UNDER  HIS  WING  !  idk  what  this  could  entail  maybe  he  jus  likes  one  of  u  youngins  …  doesn’t  want  to  see  u  in  the  same  path  he  went  down,  tries  to  steer  u  straight  a  little  bit.  stuff  like  that.  very  dad  like  as  if  he  has  a  maternal  bone  in  his  body.

EX FIANCE ! heheh .. i plan on making this a wc possibly, but i like the idea of someone who he dated for a long period of time after he graduated and left irving, eventually who he proposed two. maybe his addiction could have caused a strain, maybe it was because he was traveling so much, or some other reason but then they broke it off. they came back to irving for one reason or another, he came back bc he’s sober now, there’s tension. kind of based on exile by taylor swift + bon iver .

EMPLOYER  !  this  man  needs  a  job.  so  ........    hands  on  hips  who  is  hiring.

FRIENDS  FROM  HIGH  SCHOOL  !  if  anyone  grew  up  in  irving  /  or  was  in  hs  around  the  time  he  was,  it  could  be  quite  fun  to  reconnect.  old  friends  yadda  yadda  yadda.  

SOMEONE  WHO  KNOWS  HIM  ONLY  FROM  HIS  SISTER  !  smiles  at  jean  so  wide  .....  yes  dawson  is  leonora’s  annoying  lil  brother.  he’s  very  elusive  (  or  so  he  thinks  …  )  so  .  we  cld  do  something  with  that  perhaps.

ELIJAH  PALERMO .  little  league  coach  /  student  (  lukas  gage  )  !

THE  LAST  PALERMO  SIBLING  !  yes  …  this  is  on  the  main  but  i  imagine  elijah  and  them  to  be  very  close  and  it’d  be  fun!  sorry  for  the  grey  hairs  though.

BEST  FRIEND  !  this  is  someone  elijah  trusts  more  than  jus  abt  anybody  ..  including  his  siblings  maybe.  they’re  always  together,  never  apart,  besties  forever.  causing  chaos  and  mayhem.  probably  co-parent  georgia.  knows  each  others  fast  food  orders,  encouraging  their  bad  behaviors  …  

EXES  !  i  like  to  imagine  elijah  is  the  type  to  rush  into  a  relationship  then  have  it  all  turn  to  shit.  could  be  on  good  terms,  bad  term,  neutral.  

EX  FRIENDS  !  along  the  same  vein,  maybe  they  had  a  falling  out?  one  of  them  just  didn’t  want  to  be  friends  anymore?  they  just  stopped  talking?  give  me  angst  thank  u.

FRIENDS  !  hes  so  talkative  and  annoying  please  give  him  more  friends  …  my  personal  favorites  are  old  couple  bickering  /  complete  opposites  /  good  or  bad  influences  /  new  age  “thembo  summit”  where  there’s  no  got  damn  thought  in  anyones  head  just  vibes.

FLIRTATIONSHIP  !  they  flirt  …  they  give  each  other  eyes.  and  yet?  nothing.  wtf.

HOOK  UPS  /  FWBS  !  they’re  hot.  and  he  has  eyes.  it’s  basic  math.  

RIVAL  /  ENEMY  !  i  like  to  imagine  elijah  didn’t  mean  to  be  rude  /  or  did  something  bad  to  this  person  but  he  did,  even  accidentally,  but  now  they  hate  him.  or  even  mutual  hatred  <3  constant  subtweets  n  petty  comments  in  public  …

PARTY  BUDDIES  !  theyre  always  together  at  parties  …  self  explanatory.  

PARENT  OF  KIDS  HE  COACHES  !  self-explanatory.

CLASSMATES  !  must  go  to  community  college,  but  otherwise  self-explanatory.  

WILL  THEY  /  WON’T  THEY  !  i  love  this  kinda  shit  ..  theyre  constantly  acting  like  a  couple  but  also  aren’t  one.  everyone  is  dying  to  know  like  …...  so  isn’t  eli  <3

HATEHSHIP  !  they  hate  each  other  .  but  also  f*ck.  then  hate  each  other  again.

ROOMMATES  !  pls  give  him  a  roommate  this  fucker  can’t  function  by  himself.

KALANI  MADDEN  .  student  (  auli’i  cravalho  )  !

PEOPLE  SHE  TEACHES  ASL  !  this  is  my  favorite.  pls  pls  pls.  she  uses  asl  as  her  primary  source  of  communication,  she’s  most  comfortable  with  it  due  to  her  hearing,  but  many  people  don’t  know  it  so  pls  let  her  teach  ur  muse  i’d  love  it  so  much.

FRIENDS  /  BEST  FRIENDS  !  i’d  love  to  have  a  lil  squad  ..  lil  baby  squad  or  even  just  a  best  friend  who  they’re  always  sharing  tiktoks  over  videos  and  having  sleepovers  and  going  to  wendys  at  1  am  bc  they’re  bored.  

RIVALS  /  ENEMIES  !  people  who  just  don’t  fuckin  like  her  bc  she’s  annoying  like  i  understand.

PEOPLE  WHO  DON’T  TAKE  HER  SHIT  /  HATE  HER  DRAMATICS  !  pls  hate  her.  punt  her  to  the  moon.  

PEOPLE  SHE  SPOILS  WITH  HER  PARENTS  MONEY  !  pls  let  her  sugar  mama  u.  she  will  buy  u  legit  anything  if  ur  nice  to  her.  

FLIRTATIONSHIP  !  this  wld  be  a  bit  cute  ..  almost  a  will  they  won’t  they  vibe.  they  flirt.  they  smile.  they  make  googley  eyes.  they  subtweet  each  other.  it’s  messy  and  cute.  

BAD  INFLUENCES  /  GOOD  INFLUENCES  !  people  who  lead  her  either  down  a  really  good  or  really  bad  path.  

PEOPLE  SHE  KNOWS  BC  OF  HER  BROTHER  !  self-explanatory  but  also  kind  of  need  him  for  this  so  .  hehe  .

HER  BROTHER  !  on  the  main,  but  pls  bring  this  kid  her  parent  (  almost  )  .

PEOPLE  SHE  KNEW  BACK  IN  NYC  !  self-explanatory.  her  family  is  very  wealthy,  famous  in  the  social  scene.

[nctzendreamz]

Lucid Dreams :: Jung Jaehyun

you; the only one who could break Jaehyun’s heart.

what exactly is the sound of a heart? clearly, it beats. but jaehyun wasn’t talking about that sound. he was talking about the sound effect of joy, the sound of confusion, and most importantly, the sound of pain.

we live in a world, where certain people; special people, are free from some of the horrid emotions most people have to experience. usually these things have something to do with wealth, or social status.

for Jaehyun, his freedom came from love.

look at the boy. his dazzling smile, translucent skin, and dimple that could speak to you before his mouth could even open was the definition of a killer, and ever since he stepped foot into this world, he could have whatever he wanted.

all he had to do was walk into a room, and they swarmed.

now, before you all get too upset, let’s not assume that Jaehyun was cocky about his natural given gifts...oh no. mr. jung was probably the most mannered young man in the whole universe.

yes ma’am. no sir. he held doors for the people walking in and out of whatever building he was in, even though that wasn’t the custom in Korea just because how can you not hold the door for someone?

even with his people of interests, he never disrespected them; at least not on purpose. he just made one thing very clear.

it’s going to take a while.

and like puppies waiting to be fed, they did exactly that; waited. through his mistakes, or simple ignorance of their affection, they waited. if he said walk? they’d run. if he looked at them with just a mere added twinkle in his eye, the world would be handed to him on a silver platter.

weeks would pass, with Jaehyun putting in the absolute minimum amount of effort. finally; a revelation.

i’m starting to realize, i do so much for you, while you do nothing for me.

this was the part when he would either do two things; apologize profusely, or continue to give the bare minimum.

both ended with the puppies still addicted to him. all of his friends called him the heartbreaker.

quite frankly, it was boring.

so boring, that it was addicting. it was almost like a hobby. of course he wasn’t seen as promiscuous, because he wasn’t doing anything for these people. barely sleeping with the best of them.

and then everything changed without Jaehyun’s permission.

“sorry.” you whispered frantically, picking up all of the belongings you dropped.

“hey.” he whispered, adding the familiar twinkle in his eyes. “it’s okay. humans drop things, you know?”

“well this human drops things a little too much.” when you looked up, he was finally able to take a good look at you, and for the first time he felt something. it was so unfamiliar to him, he couldn’t even name it.

“Y/N.” you placed a hand out, clearly professional.

“Jaehyun. Jung Jaehyun.”

“well, Jung Jaehyun, watch where you’re going.” you smirked before scooting past him.

“but you bumped into me.” he chuckled.

“i don’t remember it happening that way.” was the last of your words before you traveled through the thick backstage area, clearly on your own mission. his eyes unconsciously lingered on you, before a hand on his shoulder snapped him out of it.

“i’ve never seen you look at someone for this long.” Doyoung laughed.

all he could do was weakly chuckle, once again unfamiliar with his emotions right now.

_______________________________________________

“on the Instagram? wow.” Johnny snarked as he watched his band mate scroll through your feed like an animal.

“shut up.” Jaehyun whispered. “am i not allowed to be interested in somebody? isn’t this what you guys wanted anyway?”

“i didn’t say i didn’t support it. i just didn’t think it would be this fast.”

truthfully, neither did he. he didn’t know how many times he had to say he didn’t know what was going on, but he didn’t.

“well, their group is basically on the same exact schedule as us, you know?” Johnny spoke again.

“really?” Jaehyun said in a hopeful tone.

“yeah. our comebacks were on the same day.”

“right.” he trailed off.

“why do I know more than you do? do better.”

and for whatever reason, jaehyun took it personal. he took it as a threat. therefore, he knew he had to talk to you again.

——————————————————————————

“Y/N!” he said in a frantic tone, mouth opening without his permission. the minute he saw you, he had to speak.

you were currently observing the sandwiches, clearly trying to see which one would tickle your fancy the most.

“Y/N, I-“

he was so close to you, but another man got to you faster. Minhyuk.

he couldn’t see what was being said, but he knew he didn’t like it. there was so much smiling going on, and when he saw Minhyuk’s hand graze your wrist ever so slightly, he felt...jealousy.

he felt himself waking over to where you were, and grabbing the sandwhich that was in your hand.

“what...oh.” and the smile on your face shocked him. “hey.”

“hey.” he smiled back.

“hey.” Minhyuk added, clearly feeling left out.

“i just wanted to say your performance was dope.” jaehyun spoke.

“thank you. your performance might be decent.” you jested.

“you just like to offend me, don’t you?” he clutched his heart in pain.

Minhyuk had took this as a que that he was clearly forgotten, and walked off promptly.

“no, i just think it’s cute how riled up you get.” the words coming from your mouth seemed flirty, but your face was unreadable.

“so you think i’m cute?” he questioned with a gentle head tilt.

“i think you know the answer to that.”

“well truthfully, i’m not a mind reader. i’m more of a verbal person...you know what I’m sayin?” he teased.

“oh trust me, i do.” and then you simply walked away.

you walked away from him. Jung Jaehyun, who was flirting with you more than he had flirted with anyone in what felt like years.

“where are you going?” he chased after you,

you stopped in place, and he could see your cheekbones rising. “i don’t have to tell you that.”

“you can’t just leave in the middle of a conversation.”

“are you telling me what to do?”

now he was embarrassed, never wanting to feel like he was controlling you. he never wanted anyone to feel like that. “no...no i just-

“Jaehyun.” your voice was soft as you turned around, walking towards him. “do you want to take me out on a date?”

“i...i....”

“no?”

“yes.” he spat out, almost on command. it was as if you were controlling him.

“well, here’s my number.” you slipped a tiny piece of paper into his hand, not caring who saw. “if you’re not busy on Wednesday, let’s go to the alley.”

“the alley?” his ears were red as you mentioned the secret location. it was known to every idol that this was the place to go to hookup without getting caught. you’d take a car, handle your buisness, and leave. “to do what?”

“to talk. what else?” you said innocently.

“well you know...usually people go there to...

“i know. but it doesn’t have to be. you don’t see me as just sex, do you?”

“of course not.”

“then why are your ears so red?” you taunted.

“because you make me nervous.” he confessed with a deep breath.

you seemed satisfied as you slowly molded him into your puppet. “good. i’ll pick you up at around seven.”

“oh...okay.” he stuttered. “seven is good.”

seven was better than good, as long as he was with you.

an hour had passed since the two of you had sat in the dark space. the only light available was the candles you had on the dash, but it set a mood Jaehyun hadn’t felt before.

“tell me more about you.” you pouted, rubbing his thigh in tiny circles.

“i’ve told you everything I could think of.” he chuckled.

“i don’t know what makes you happy.”

“music.”

“oh come on.” you leaned your head on his shoulder, causing his breathing to alter. “if music didn’t make you happy, I’d be concerned.” you laughed.

“food makes me happy.”

“obviously.” you laughed once again, pointing to the empty take out containers, all eaten by him.

“being with you right now is really make me happy.” he said, almost to himself.

“why?”

“you just make me feel...different. i know we haven’t known eachother for a long time. not long at all, actually.”

“two weeks.” you smiled into his chest.

“but, lately everytime I think about you, i just can’t keep the stupid grin off my face. i think about all of the things I want to do with you.”

“and those things are?”

“you ask a lot of questions.” he smoothly placed his arm around your neck, pulling you closer to him. “but let me hear stuff about you. what makes you happy?”

“i don’t really know.” you whispered truthfully, causing Jaehyun to rub your shoulder. “i think I’m having a hard time adjusting to all of this.”

“being famous?”

“yeah. it’s like, your prepare for so long, but there’s only so much you can do to prepare yourself. people watch your every move. it’s scary.”

“you’re good though. you don’t do bad stuff, at least I don’t think.”

“sometimes I feel like everything I do is wrong.” you confessed.

“well don’t think about it that way. I’ve never heard anything bad about you ever, and I know it’ll stay that way. you’re so sweet.”

“you’re just saying that because you like my face.” you chuckled in a somber tone.

“looks aren’t everything.”

“true. i bet you’re used to people just looking at you and wanting to talk.”

“yeah, i never really minded though.”

“oh, I’ve heard.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he looked right into your eyes. he wasn’t aware his reputation was ever seen in a negative light.

“nothing. some girls just...they told me to be careful with you. they said you like to play around.”

“i just didn’t like them, that was all.” he defended. “this is the first time I’ve been on a date in like...too long.”

“really?”

“really.”

you both stayed quiet now, the tension heavy in the vehicle.

jaehyun felt your soft lips on his cheek, truthfully shocking him.

“sorry.” you apologized immediately.

instead of saying more, he pressed his lips to yours. your lips were made for his own. they were so soft, and plump, and tasted exactly like peppermint. it felt like forever before the two of you pulled away, and he followed your lips like a magnet when he couldn’t feel you anymore.

“i’m not going to hurt you.” he whispered, taking a deep breath. “i promise.”

“i believe you.”

so what exactly happened from here?

well, Jaehyun and you had many a more adventures after that. the alley became your apartment complex. your dorm was unavailable, and he knew that the fans would catch you too easily going in and out of his dorms so frequently.

everytime he would return home, the members couldn’t stop their teasing.

“are you dating yet?”

“have you guys...you know?”

“did she take your panties home?”

he would ignore it all, going straight into his room just to stay on the phone with you all night. you would fall asleep together, not caring about your phones overheating. the sound of your light snores made him feel pure joy.

being with you was so addicting.

so addicting, that he couldn’t care about the rules anymore. he got tired of only being able to touch you in a car. he wanted to hold you during the night, rub your stomach when he felt you tossing and turning, and kiss you when it was time to wake up.

the members loved you. they loved you so much. Jaehyun loved you more though. never did he think he would be able to admit such a thing, but he did. it was right before you were supposed to spend the night once again, and he told Johnny.

“i love her.”

“then tell her.”

“you think she feels it too?”

“it doesn’t matter. she doesn’t have to say it back. it’s the confession that matters.”

he was right. Jaehyun wanted to say it and he was going to. he wouldn’t be heartbroken if you didn’t say it back. as long as you knew how committed he was.

the time couldn’t go past any slower as he waited for you to arrive.

“Jaehyun, your phone.” Taeyong said, phone in hand.

“you okay?” was the first question his had when he answered.

“yeah, i just have bad news.”

“what?”

“i can’t make it tonight. i really thought I would get out of practice in time, but it doesn’t look like it.”

“i can stay up and wait for you, Y/N. you know that.”

“i know you’re exhausted. i would feel horrible if I told you to wait up for me.”

“oh...okay.” he said. his feelings were more than hurt, even if he was just overreacting. “i really wanted to see you.”

“me too.” you whispered. “i promise I’ll make it up to you.

he wanted to spit his confession. he thought maybe that would convince you told trust him and come over anyway, but he didn’t. “okay. tomorrow?”

“tomorrow.”

except, tomorrow came, and you ghosted him again. this time with a text.

painfully slow, his heart began to break.

i know you’re busy, but i feel like I’m putting way more into this then you are.

how ironic.

he waited for what felt like days for a response. his mind was slowly deteriorating, and he didn’t want to talk to anyone.

finally, you spoke.

please forgive me. i’m going to do better.

that was it. that was the only thing you had to say about his a million messages. and like a sad fucking puppy did he immediately forgive you, as if you didn’t do anything in the first place.

the toxic behavior didn’t stop. the texts got shorter and shorter, eventually turning into a simple, “cant make it.”

“maybe she really is busy, bro.” mark tried to defend, even though he knew he was only trying to make the elder feel better. he knew how bad he wanted this.

“yeah. she probably is just busy.”

so busy, that Jaehyun knew all he really had to was come to you. why didn’t he think of that sooner? you were going to absolutely light up the minute you saw his face.

he waited until the wee hours of the night before making his move.

the flowers were in his hand, as well as the meal he picked up for you because you had to be hungry.

“oh my goodness. are you Jaehyun, from NCT?” the receptionist of the building asked.

he couldn’t help but smile at the recognition. “i am.”

“you are even more handsome in person.” she cooed, eyes refusing to look away from his.

“thank you. do you know if redzone is here? my friend told me they had practice today.”

“redzone...” she trailed off, searching on the computer. “no, they actually haven’t been here all day.”

“huh? that’s impossible.”

“one of them could be here unscheduled.” she added. “actually, i think Y/N has been here for quite awhile.”

“that’s great because that’s who I’m looking for!” he beamed. he knew you weren’t lying. he knew you were here.

the search was on. his original plan was to search for the room that had music blasting from it, but he realized they were all silent. you were probably taking a break, or asleep.

suddenly, he heard a laugh. two laughs, actually.

“oh, come on.” he heard your voice say, “do it again.”

“am i your puppet or something?” the male voice said.

“no, but it was funny.”

it was your choreographer. it had to be. it would make sense for the two of you to be here all night.

he slowly crept to the panel of the door, and watched you two from the reflection of the mirror. it was Minhyuk.

what?

“when are you gonna tell him?” he questioned as he approached you dangerously close. his arm wrapped around you, pulling you right into his chest.

“soon.” you whispered, kissing his lips affectionately. exactly how you kissed Jaehyun.

“tell me what?” Jaehyun interrupted. his hands were shaking at a quick pace, and he couldn’t believe what he was seeing right now.

the two of you pulled away as if your parents just walked into the room.

“what are you doing here?”

“i came to see my girlfriend. what the fuck are you doing?”

“listen, bro.”

“i’m not your fucking bro!” Jaehyun screamed, dropping the food and flowers all in one go. the glass shattered loudly. “how could you do this to me, huh? i did everything for you.”

“jae..” you trailed off, attempting to get closer to him.

“answer me!”

“we just...we don’t match.”

“how do we not match? and why weren’t you saying these things when you were in my bed? huh? you had feelings for me. you don’t do the things we did...” he felt sick at the thought. “when you don’t have feelings for them.”

“you need to calm down.” Minhyuk protested.

“shut up!”

“look, Jaehyun. i’m sorry, okay. i didn’t mean to play with you. i didn’t realize you took it that way.”

you were ripping his heart out his chest little by little. “i love you, y/n. i’m in love with you.” he whispered. the tears dropped without remorse. what even was pride?

“i’m sorry.” was all you could say. just like the day he asked you on a date, your face was unreadable.

this was your plan the whole time. you were never interested in him. he was just a toy to you. this was karma.

this is how he made everyone else feel.

in an unstable tone, he only had one more thing to say. “you’re next.” he pointed in Minhyuk’s direction, before turning around and doing the walk of shame.

someone had finally done it. someone had finally broke Jung Jaehyun’s heart.

who knew evil girls had the prettiest face?

[your-local-grubdog]

The Engineer’s Heart

Pikmin 3 fanfiction thingy yay! This was cross-posted to Ao3 if you want to read it there instead.

Summary: Alph couldn't keep this bottled up any more. He had to say it, he had to tell him how he felt. Unfortunately these kinds of things don't come easy for Alph.

Parings: Alph/Charlie

Misc. notes: Short n sweet, one shot, fluff 

Alph smiled wide as he stood before Captain Charlie – his captain! He was going to go to PNF-404! He was going to be a hero!

He had seen the captain many times on TV. But never in person, not until today. 

“You’re Alph? Drake’s grandson?” the captain asked as he approached him.  

“Yes sir!”  

“I’ve heard of you.” That alone made Alph flush up a little. "I've heard you do good work. I expect good things from you.”

“I won’t disappoint, sir!” Anxiety began to eat away at him a little. He couldn’t disappoint Charlie. He wasn’t sure if he could handle such a thing.  

Alph crumpled up the paper and tossed it into an already over-flowing bin. None of it sounds right! Why does none of it sound right?!? He grunted as he leaned back into the chair. They were leaving the planet, and now well on their way to Hocotate in order to return Olimar home.  

Alph couldn’t keep it bottled up any more. He had to say something – he HAD to do this. He thought that making it a poem would be easier, but that wasn’t turning out to be the case.  

He pulled out another sheet and tried again.  

“I think of you so much

You are strong. And kind.  

A true leader for us b”

Alph quickly balled the paper up. No! No no no – it still didn’t sound right!  

He’d have to try again.  

Alph stood there as the Vehemoth Phosbat fell to the ground, letting out one final death cry. He stood there, side by side with Brittany, the both of them stiff as they waited.  

Was... was the captain okay?

The beast then twitched, once, twice, and then its mouth was pushed open by Captain Charlie.  

He jumped out of the creature, a look of relief spread across his face. “Ah, it’s great to see yo-”

He was cut off with an “oof” when Alph ran over and hugged him tightly. It was rather awkward, given that their helmets got in the way, but it was also still genuine.  

“Captain! Thank the stars you’re alive! It took us so long to find you and Brittany was pretty sure you were dead and I was starting to worry that myself especially when your signal came out of that thing, I was for sure it had managed to kill you but you’re alive!!! You’re alive!!!” Alph spoke quickly, and part way through he had started to cry which made it even harder to understand him.  

“Woah, woah... hey, hey it’s okay Alph, it’s okay...” He gently began to rub the engineer’s back. “I’m okay now... you don’t need to cry over me.”

“To think one could find love on a planet such as this  

Yet here I am  

Smitten and awe-struct by your bravery, your kindness, your”

Alph once again crumpled it up. “Dammit. Why can’t the words just... work?”

“What ‘cha up to?” Charlie asked as he walked closer.  

Alph looked up from his work. “Oh, just some basic upgrades to the Drake’s computer. Nothing too fancy.”

“What will it do?”

“Eh, just make things run more smoothly on a software level. Useful, but nothing too big.”

Charlie looked at the code work Alph had done. “Really? I thought the Drake’s computer ran just fine.”

“Oh, it did. But it could be better. See, the Drake’s computer ran on code based on the work of Eric Rinnal, who then became famous for his work. That basic “Rinnal” type code has been used in all Koppait space craft sense. And it works well! Really well! But it has some flaws. See, Rinnal’s work was based off of Halbert Trenok’s own work in the field. And Trenok’s work... it was good, and it was super useful and amazing back in his day. But that’s the thing – back in his day! It’s quite outdated now. Rinnal was able to fix most quirks that Trenok’s system had but there’s still a few little wrinkles that could be ironed out. You know, that’s why REKO model ships are infamous for being so awful – they still run on the Trenok system! I mean, it works, I guess, but-” Alph stopped himself midsentence when he saw the bewildered look on Charlie’s face. “O-Oh... sorry if I was being kind of annoying there.”

“You were not being annoying.” Charlie quickly insisted. “You were sharing your interest. I couldn’t quite follow but that’s no reason to feel bad.”

Alph smiled a little. “Oh... thanks.”

“Now how about you tell me exactly how this Tree-nook's stuff was out dated, hm?”

“Trenok.” Alph corrected. “And... I’m not sure if I can word it in a way that would be easy to understand.”  

“So? Just keep talking. I’ll keep listening.”

Alph smiled more, and reaching back into his college days he began to explain (and quite frankly, heavily criticize) the Trenok system of space craft code.  

“You listen. You listen and you care,

Oh Charlie,

How could I not love you?”

Alph stared at the page. Maybe this? He sighed and leaned his head into his hand. It was a start.  

Alph laid awake in his bed, overcome with a strong realization. He couldn’t fall asleep, not after this.  

He loved him.  

How Alph didn’t realize this sooner, he did not know. He thought about him constantly, he felt a nervous happiness when around him, hell he wrote a damn poem about the guy. Any yet he kept trying to convince himself that he just looked up to him? No.  

He loved him.  

He loved him so much that it hurt.  

What was he supposed to do about it? They were fighting for their life on an alien planet – he couldn’t be distracted by this. And that wasn’t even counting the numerous other issues. Did the captain even like men at all? Would he consider a captain–crew relationship to be too unprofessional? Stars forbid that he’d see a gay relationship taboo. What if the captain simply didn’t like him? What if he was rejected?

Alph curled up into a tight ball. He had to tell him. He had to. He loved him.  

But at the very least, it would have to wait. People were depending on them back home, and he couldn’t distract himself or the captain with whatever outcome the confession would have.  

But... it would hurt so much until then.  

Alph kept staring at the paper in frustration, unable to come up with anything else. He eventually crumpled it up too, and threw it at his door. He laid his head down on his desk. This wasn’t working. None of his ideas were working.  

He heard a knock at the door.  

“I’m not feeling well.” Alph replied. He didn’t exactly want to deal with any of the others right now.

The door opened anyways. “Alph? What’s wrong? I can get you some medicine.” Charlie’s voice rang through the room.  

Alph jumped up a bit. Oh stars, he was the last person he wanted to see. “Oh... I... I’m just burnt out is all.” He looked away from the captain again. “I think I just need to call it an early night.”  

“Struggling with your poems?”

“Yeah...”

A pause, then “Well, let me look at this one. Maybe I can help?”

Alph’s eyes widened and he quickly stood up to stop the captain. But it was too late, he had already uncrumpled the page and was reading it. It had only taken him a short moment to finish it, being only three lines long, and then he looked up and locked eyes with Alph.  

That was it then, huh? His heart had been exposed to the captain, and was laying out there bleeding. Alph could only lean his ears back and cling to his desk least he fall over.  

“Alph...” Charlie’s words were soft, kind. “Alph, you don’t need to be afraid.” He was suddenly much closer now, and held out a hand to the shorter koppait. Alph looked at it, then at Charlie who seemed to be genuinely concerned. Alph elected to just hug him instead.  

He wanted to cry. He wanted to cry into the captain’s shoulder and let his worries fade away. But he didn’t. He just stood there as Charlie gently rubbed his back. The captain said some things that Alph couldn’t fully process, but it all seemed to be an effort to calm him down.  

After a few moments, he could hear the captain say his name clearly. He looked up at him. “Yes, Charlie?”

“Alph I... a lot has happened over the course of this mission. And I can’t fully understand most of it yet.”

Alph’s ears leaned back. Was he being rejected?  

“I don’t know how I feel about you – about this. I’d need time to think it over.”  

Alph sighed as he looked down. So no, not a rejection. But not an acceptance either. “I... I understand.”  

“Thank you, Alph.” The Captain pulled away a little. “I can promise you only this; I won’t leave you in the dark about whatever my choice is, regardless of what I choose.”

Alph nodded.  

Well, at least he had that?

----------

It had been a little under a week now. They had just left Hocotate, and were now heading to koppai. It should realistically only take a few hours.  

Alph was in his room again, writing some things down again. He was having a much easier time with it, given it was just about nature and not something as weird as love. Once again, he heard a knock at his door.  

“Come on in.” he replied.  

Charlie entered the room. “Hey, uh, I had something to ask of you.”  

Alph felt his stomach tighten. He couldn’t help it, he felt like he was going to burst from his pent-up emotions. Yet the captain knew about them, and that somehow made it worse. “Y-yeah?”

“It, uh... It’s also related to what... what I found out before.”

Alph’s stomach grew even tighter. “O-Oh...”

“Basically, once we’re back on Koppai, and once the media is done parading us around would... would you still be interested in going out for some dinner with me?”

Alph’s eyes widened a bit as his heart raced. “Yes!” he squeaked out just a little too quickly.    

Charlie smiled. “Oh! Well then... I guess we can figure out the details once we’re home. Does that sound alright?”

Alph had already stood up and was walking to Charlie. “Yeah! Yeah that’s good.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow and sighed. “Alright, I know what you want.” he said as he held his arms out. Alph immediately clinged onto him, and Charlie hugged him back. The two stood like that for a good few moments before Alph pulled away a little to look up at Charlie. He was going to say something, but forgot what it was he wanted to say. He and Charlie just stared at each other for a moment, before the taller man gently leaned down and kissed his cheek. Alph squeaked, his face a bright red.  

“We’ll be back on Koppai very soon.” Charlie explained. “So go ahead and get ready, okay?”  

Alph nodded as Charlie slipped away and left the room. He would get ready, but it’d be hard to focus.  

He was really doing it! He was really going to go on a date with Charlie!

[langernameohnebedeutung]

(2/2)Mann who writes himself into EVERY one of his novels, usually as this cynic and, quite frankly, unlikable ‘writer genius’ who hates about everyone except the pretty waiters at his favorite restaurant. Or Dostoyevsky who’s selfinserts are always . A complete mess. Or Kafka who’s inserts are even more of a mess AND die horribly. And ofc Since you mentioned Moby Dick there’s also Melville who just straight up unashamedly ships his insert with a handsome buff sailor. That’s so much more fun imo

Just first up: The first half of your ask disappeared once again on, I read it, I drafted it to answer and then it was gone, but I read it and I remember most of my answer to it. You may wonder why I drafted an ask again after the last one disappeared and the answer is because I’m a god-damn moron.

I think the negative opinion people have about self-inserts today has a lot to do with the way people learn writing these days and I think it's especially prominent among writers who either write fanfiction or come into original writing from fanfiction. Many people either read tips or read books on writing and this advice is usually all about 'do-s' and 'don't's in my experience, and I'm not sure that's helpful. But one big Don't is Mary Sue's, self-inserts, because (according to these tips) they might be over-powered or something.

And this makes sense to a certain degree especially from a fanfiction point of view. It is boring if someone who doesn't know any of the characters and their world waltzes in and solves their problems in ten minutes flat as if everyone else had just been morons who couldn't have figured that out for themselves. But I think that's a problem on plot-level not on the character level. It says nothing about the character and whether they are good. They might be interesting. They may be a flat, boring character completely unrelated to the plot. Rather, you should ask yourself if it really makes sense for the character to assemble all the necessary information to solve that problem as quickly as they do. And whether you have properly introduced their means of doing so in a way that makes them relatable to the audience. And obviously, causing problems for your characters that they have to work to overcome is also a part of writing, so you have to ask yourself if you made life difficult enough for them.

The thing is, we live in the age of super-heroes, media-wise, not even just literal ones. Many of the most popular fictional characters are in many ways Mary Sues. And we often talk about how YA novels are very popular among adults as well. And since YA novels often have a young main-character managing feats no one would have expected of them and surviving against the odds, I think it's fair to say that people do want to see that and that they do want to see the unlikely candidate triumph, even if it means cutting some corners regarding how likely it is.

But the problem is that young writers are told to avoid these types of characters and the examples are usually the typical Mary Sue and the typical Mary Sue has certain attributes: stereotypically a good-looking young woman with a minor ‘flaw’, inconspicuous at first but suddenly a badass, not terrified of the big villains etc. So people are often discouraged from using this type of character in general and it's the character itself instead of the plot that is treated as bad writing. And people tend to take this sort of writing advice not only as something that is supposed to help them write but also a tool to judge something already is written and they decide that the existence of a character fitting this description in some shape or form is already a sign that the work is bad. That`s why, the moment someone doesn’t like a particular work, they point towards these characters while they probably like a lot of similar characters in other media. 

Now, your original ask (rip ask) was about writer-inserts rather than self-inserts so maybe this answer might seem off topic, but you mentioned Hermoine Granger as JK Rowling's self-insert, which got me thinking about this question why some are rejected and others are not.

Many people - especially young women - insist that Hermoine was a very important character to them and that they related to her growing up. And I think there is a good reason why the common reaction was: “Hey this girl reminds me of me!” rather than: “Hey, that’s clearly JK Rowling!” Because she is defined by traits that are common experiences. In fact, I would argue that she is even made accessible for the audience to relate to. 

JK Rowling was a teacher. She could have easily made her surrogate a teacher-character in Hogwarts. She could have made it someone her age. It could have been a side-character. But Hermoine is a main-character and in the same age-group as our other main-characters. She’s a pupil, like most of the intended audience. And her experiences are some that are very relatable to many people: She is very intelligent and eager to learn, but people make fun of her for it or are annoyed. She is socially awkward and even bullied. She is insecure about her looks. 

But then, there are also some validating messages in all of this: Her intelligence and knowledge are eventually appreciated and frequently help the heroes save the day. She finds true friends. Men fall in love with her. For the exercise of this ask, I’m going to coin this an ‘open-door’ writer-insert. Open-door, because JK basically invites the readers to identify with her, because Hermoine’s characterisation is dominated by traits that JK shares with many people - not super-exclusive traits like how she likes her tea or sharing her favourite musician. Instead, she goes to extra-length to make this character accessible to her intended audience.

Also, when people talk about relating to fictional characters and Harry Potter in particular, they often point out how it helped them through dark times. Especially now many people write about how Rowling’s views affect their memories of their own childhood, because these books provided them with comfort when they were struggling. My point here is, we don’t relate to characters in that way because we solved our own problems. We relate to them because their struggles resemble our own, not their solutions. In fact, seeing that these fictional characters stay strong and that they find a happy-end is part of why they are able to provide comfort and I think that’s a function that is very particular to these open-door inserts: They tell us we can make it, because they already did.

As a different example, someone else who is very famous for working his own identity into his own characters is Stephen King and his endless string of Main-based authors with personal demons. Misery, for example, is based on his own experiences when fans hounded him over writing a fantasy book rater than the horror they’ve come to expect of him once (as well as his cocaine addiction). But in my opinion, his characters ‘close the door’ rather than open it, because they are very much defined by King’s own personality. I’m not going to make an argument whether that’s better or worse writing, I just think it provides different opportunities and changes the intention. I don’t know (m)any people who read Stephen King novels because the main-characters gave them such hope and strength in their darkest times. And King doesn’t change his insert to match the experiences of his intended audience. 

If you think about Misery, his readers do get a role - that of the insane fan torturing the author to write a work that matches their expectations. Basically, neither of these characters are supposed to make us think: “Wow this is absolutely me and the way they experience the world is absolute relatable to me!” The way we relate to King’s character is by seeing the world through his eyes and facing the problems he does. It’s about their survival rather than the question if they will grow through the experience. 

The main-character of Misery survives, but at the end he’s still struggling with the injuries inflicted on him as well as with alcoholism to make-up for the pain-medication she forced on him. Hermoine ends up being happy and successful. Now, if we were to switch these around, and Hermoine ended up a miserable alcoholic, I’m not sure she would still have been as much of a comfort-character to teenagers and if the main-character of Misery had remained strong and stubborn through it all and ended up well-adjusted and happy, I don’t think the novel would have packed quite the same punch. Because the intentions behind these characters are different, despite them both being writer inserts.

I think another character who is interesting (in that regard) is Bella Swan from Twilight. Now, Stephanie Meyer never officially said that this is her surrogate, but I want to point something out. This is something she says on her website:

I left out a detailed description of Bella in the book so that the reader could more easily step into her shoes. [...] In my head, Bella is very fair-skinned, with long, straight, dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. Her face is heart-shaped—a wide forehead with a widow’s peak, large, wide-spaced eyes, prominent cheekbones, and then a thin nose and a narrow jaw with a pointed chin. Her lips are a little out of proportion, a bit too full for her jaw line. Her eyebrows are darker than her hair and more straight than they are arched. She’s five foot four inches tall, slender but not at all muscular, and weighs about 115 pounds. 

Now, this is a photo of Stephanie Meyer:

According to google, she is...5′4. As I said, this is somewhat speculation on my part, but I’m not the first person to point out these similarities. There are so biographical similarities for example that Meyer, raised in Phoenix,  used to feel unpopular at a school and it changed when she moved, according to what I learnt doing a google search on her. 

not like other girls alert

There has already been talked a lot about Twilight and Meyer’s religious origins in the LDS-church (what many people know as Mormon church) and how Bella’s growth and progression as a character and the decisions she makes seem to line up with those in many ways (marriage, family, not aborting a baby that kills her, sex only after the wedding etc.), but since we can speculate in which way or degree Meyer personally shares these ideas and and thinks of them for herself (aka I’m too lazy to google and learn more stuff about Stephanie Meyer), I’m just going to leave the fact that Bella happily attains a very conservative idea of female happiness at the end of her journey (if you disregard the vampire thing).

What I would like to point out is that this character shares a lot of traits with her - physical traits, biography etc. - while at the same time, she says she wanted to leave the character open for the reader to relate to and to identify with her. 

In my last ask on the subject, I talked about the way the third person narrator is thinning out in many novels as a distinct entity and is more and more becoming one with the POV-character. Bella is obviously a first person narrator. Now, you did mention Moby Dick, and we have the same thing here: A first person narrator sharing their experiences with the author. But even the first person narrator is a very distinct entity here. Not that Melville himself makes an appearance, but that Ishmael is very clear about the fact the is telling us a story. Which is how we know he is going survive the journey, because he still there, afterwards, to tell us about his trip.

The famous first sentence of Moby Dick is: “Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.” He makes it clear that this has happened in the past, he talks to the reader directly (call me Ishamel) as if in conversation and then goes on.

He also makes it clear that he is writing about a past events at a different point of events:

“He had been a sailor and a harpooneer in his youth, but for many years past had dedicated his life to the ministry. At the time I now write of, Father Mapple was in the hardy winter of a healthy old age.”

Now, here’s the preface to the first Twilight novel:

“I'd never given much thought to how I would die — though I'd had reason enough in the last few months — but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this. I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me. Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something. I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't be facing death now. But, terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.” 

After this, the first chapter starts and we are immediately with Bella on her way to the airport, she tells us why she is going to Forks, what Forks is, why she is leaving and so on. There are also two points in time here, but they are employed differently and for different reasons:

Bella is constructed in a way for us to relate to her and identify with her - Meyer says that herself that she even held back on talking about her looks in order to make her accessible to the reader - so using a first person narrator opens the door for us. The future point in time in the preface creates suspense - she says she is about to die and that’s what we prepare ourselves for during the story (even if we assume she might survive after all, we know she will be in danger and we know that she will sacrifice herself for someone she loves).

Moby Dick has a first person narrator, because it’s Ishmael writing down his story for us to read. On a technical level, we take his perspective, but we are provided with an in-story reason for the first person narrator. And while we can at least speculate that Bella might die, if we know nothing else about the franchise or the genre when we encounter that preface, we also know from the first sentence on that Ishmael is going to survive, because ‘he’ has written down this story for us. And by giving an in-story reason for a first person narrator, the story is already closing the door a little by saying: ‘this is a distinct character and you are reading his story, that’s why it uses I/me pronouns’. 

Now, I already mentioned that I found it interesting that JK’s self insert is a pupil rather than a teacher and that she is younger than JK. The same thing happens with Bella the Meyer-look-alike: She is a student and pupil, like the target audience, going through experiences that Meyer did in her youth. And for her as well, things work out. She is a principled character, finds friends, boys fight over her and she ends up finding an immortal, perfect, beautiful family she becomes part of. 

Beauty is an interesting thing in Twilight, btw, in my opinion. The way Meyer describes Bella (literally named Beauty and aftera Bird symbolising Beauty), she is quite good-looking with some ‘flaws’, like her lips being ‘too full for her face’. Now, there is nothing wrong with having full lips, obviously, but Meyer says ‘a bit too full for her face’ and I think this is already part of the typical traits of an open-door author-insert in my opinion: They are a little it ‘too’ this or ‘too’ that to be perfect models, but they’re also rarely described as actually ugly. Hermoine has teeth that are too long (magicked away after that teeth growing accident) and is always mentioned to have ‘bushy hair’. Bella is also said to be very pale, even comparing herself to an albino (you know, because Meyer went to such length to make her character’s looks relatable to everyone). Pale skin is at odds with the sun-kissed other-girls in Phoenix and symbolises Bella’s otherness in many ways, that she isn’t like what Meyer calls the ‘barbies’.

The fact that pale = beautiful in Twilight and that beauty is important becomes very obvious when dealing with the Cullens:

“And yet, they were all exactly alike. Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. They also had dark shadows under those eyes — purplish, bruiselike shadows.As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose. Though their noses, all their features, were straight, perfect, angular. But all this is not why I couldn't look away. I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful. They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel. It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful — maybe the perfect blond girl, or the bronzehaired boy.”

They are good beautiful - sullen, mysterious. Not bad beautiful: frivolous, talkative, loud, dumb. And they’re also not beautiful with a minor flaw - but beautiful with no flaw. 

Bella Swan acquires that beauty by the end and becomes one of them - once her transformation into a vampire is complete. Hermoine also transforms - and turns from the nerd girl into a confident, strong young woman and played a major role in defeating the people who discriminated against her in her youth. 

I described these sort of characters as open-door characters. They bear strong resemblance to the author in Bella’s case and Hermoine is the declared author-insert for Rowling, but these authors went to extra length to make them accessible to the reader to identify with them. Basically, the author invited the reader to enter that open door. 

The fact that they have positive endings and that the struggles that the reader relates to are dissolved (satisfying or not) provides comfort. I already mentioned that with the whole thing that is going on with Rowling, a lot of people write about their own experiences with Harry Potter. And I’ve not seen people write: “I liked these books because the characters solved their problems like I did or because I, too, grew up to be happy” - they say they related in their darkest time, when they were feeling down and when there were no solutions to their problems in sight. These characters are designed to offer hope and advice and remind you that these traits you share with them or that you assume you share with them are good and something to be proud of and they tell you that you can succeed. I already said that it would have been very dissatisfying if Hermoine had ended up like Paul Sheldon. Even worse if they had actually been killed off: Basically, that would have been the equivalent of the author inviting the reader through that open door and then hitting them over the head with  a hammer. That would have been...kafkaesk.

Heh. Transitions.

You already mentioned Kafka’s tendency to kill off his main-characters. With Kafka, things are always quite complex and there are so many different interpretations and takes on his work and its meaning. It’s important to keep in mind that he is a modernist and the reader is ‘invited’ to actively interpret the text, figure things out, make sense of things and notice contradictions. 

Metamorphosis can easily be concluded to draw on Kafka’s own problems with his family and his father. His works are always filled with obstacles that are both insurmountable and banal, drawn from reality and yet surreal. Nothing hits home like reading Der Prozess or Das Schloss while you’re too mentally slouched to deal with the last ten incomprehensible letters you got from your local Verbandsgemeindeverwaltung. „Die Fessel der gequälten Menschheit sind aus Kanzleipapier,” indeed, Franz, indeed. (”The chain of the tormented human race are made of office paper”)

I wanted to look at Metamorphosis specifically, because for one, it’s one where it’s most easily arguable that family situation very closely resembles Kafka’s own. Also I already mentioned that the open-door author-inserts usually undergo a transformation (did I already mention that this is the age of super-heroes?) of some form. There is an old debate over whose metamorphosis Die Verwandlung is actually about - Gregor Samsa’s or that of his sister? While Samsa wastes away, his sister turns into a strong young woman - much like Bella or Hermoine. And yet many people see her betrayal of Gregor as the 'big’ one, the ultimate act of betrayal that destroys Gregor and of her even as the actual villain of the story rather than the father. There is also the general metamorphosis of his relationships- for example his sister’s social position in the family is better now that Gregor is an insect and his father has far more power over him than before.

Gregor Samsa has very relatable fears, concerns and anxieties: He has a hard job and he does it to support his family. He yearns for the love of his family. This is something a lot of people can relate to. After he turns into the Ungeziefer, he not only learns that his family had savings, they also treat him worse and worse now that they he is no longer feeding them.

If we consider Gregor Samsa as an open-door character - someone sharing similarities with the author who has been designed to be accessible for the reader to relate to - we also have to ask ourselves: Is he a comfort character? A comforting message would be if he fought back, found someone who loved him even in his Ungeziefer-form and he had built a life for himself somewhere.

But Samsa doesn’t fight back, he desires his family’s love no matter how badly they treat him and until he wastes away after his sister says he needs to go. Samsa's story isn’t about growth or learning or overcoming obstacles. He is constantly wasting away - so if we consider him a character open to project ourselves on, he’s not one intended to be comforting because that’s not the point of the story. His love for his family is not some secret super-power that overcomes all difficulties, it’s his weakness.

His situation is also not an every day situation like going to school - it’s a highly surreal one being turned into an Ungeziefer. He gets turned into a strange creature, he is confined into a single room etc. I already mentioned that Kafka had a tendency to erase certain information while editing his works - for example, an earlier draft of The Castle contained K. musing: ‘In this way I was fighting not the others but rather myself”, but Kafka took it out for the reader to come to that conclusion. And with a situation like Samsa’s, we can also make up our own mind about who his struggle is with and what everything means and - if we identify with him - what our Ungeziefer-state is, what our Lady in Fur is, what our Abstellkammer would look like, who our father is and sister etc..

But the whole thing is - you don’t read Kafka because his characters are so fascinating. He didn’t want them to be complex and fascinating. He went out of his way to make them less so and you already said, it’s pretty much the opposite of a character like Hermoine. It goes very deep into the realm of speculation which author based which traits of what character on themselves for what reasons or if it was voluntary or not, but I think the way people do it has a lot to do with genre, writing style, audience etc. and I thing right now is a time where a lot of fiction is all about making a change, growing having happy ends. If you look around tumblr for writing advice, sad endings are often criticised as cynical, edgy and depressing. People complain about gritty characters. Wholesome escapism is simply very popular right now and that’s why self-inserts, imo, are going to be wholesome and escapist. But specifically when talking about self-inserts, a wholesome positive self-insert is going to collide with the expectation that such self inserts are bad writing.

I also think big names play a role. JKR is a big name in fiction and Harry Potter is a big deal for our generation - the “read a different book!” meme pretty much illustrates the huge monopoly Harry Potter has for us. I’d argue that Harry Potter, while not a self-insert, also has a lot of Mary Sue traits, but because he’s a male character and not Rowling’s self-insert, he already escapes quite a lot of criticism. I’m pretty sure if Harry Potter had a female main-character, there would have been much more criticism, especially if the main-character had publicly said that this was her self-insert. 

If you think about the works of Mann and Melville and Kafka, these are classics today, so they aren’t really subject to the trend of being wholesome and heroic. And King is a brand of himself, by himself and his name stands for a certain brand of fiction and a certain style of writing and a certain type of characters.

Twilight has become an acceptable thing to dislike, because it was liked by teenage girls (so the dudebro fraction likes it) and it’s restrictive and conservative and pretentious enough for its own fans to outgrow and no longer defend it. People did criticise the main-character especially, for being bland, helpless, only caring about her bf etc. but I think if Twilight had never taken off the way it did, it would have been forgotten among many other cheesy love stories. But it hit the right nail a the right time, took off and then the wind abruptly changed and people specifically disliked this kind of character and found it ‘cringy’ - I actually wanted to say something on the subject of cringe-culture but I forgot, but let it be said, I think it also plays a big role that being cringy has become such a big crime and that a self-insert means that you can accuse the author themselves of being cringy so that too might influence the opinions on making self-inserts. 

Either way, I think it has a lot to do with this sort of immunity timeless classics have and also with genre - because it puts a YA-hero spin on the self insert and those are usually characters who are in the same age bracket as the intended audience, have similar problems (romance) etc. and usually these stories have a happy end as well.

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 3.19, “A Moving Day”

Can you believe we only have 50 or so minutes of content left with this show?

I want to love every single one of them and not take any for granted. Each minute feels truly precious.

Never mind.

Folks... we got ourselves a Toast-Off!

Cyrus has brought Jonah, Buffy, and Andi together to make toast. I wish I had more here, but that’s the extent of it.

Jonah presents his toast first. It’s burnt.

Andi says toasters are the trickiest appliance in the kitchen, which is true. Sure, anybody can figure out how to put the bread in, but when it comes time to select between the settings of Light, Medium, and Dark, too many people just twist the dial all the way past dark to Burnt to a Crisp. Avoid that setting. That’s where most people get tripped up.

Jonah advises Cyrus to not eat his burnt bread, and Cyrus agrees.

Buffy presents her toast, which is more like the concept of toast.

Buffy claims it wasn’t fair because Jonah was using the toaster. To think, if only Jonah had used the toaster less, both he and Buffy could’ve made decent toast and been in the running to win... I don’t know, something. I really don’t know what we’re doing here.

Anyway, because Jonah sabotaged both his and Buffy’s chance to win the Toast-Off, Andi can walk away with the competition if she’s just made a piece of non-ruined toast.

And, of course, Andi went extra and made some kind of toast chicken coop.

Seems like an easy win, but Cyrus can’t declare it thus until he’s had a taste.

He thinks it’s pretty good, but there’s a flavor on it he can’t place. What is that, he asks.

Cyrus spits it out as Jonah and Buffy chuckle about one of their friends almost poisoning their other friend.

I guess it was only right to get one last random cold open in before the show ended. Here’s to the nonsense cold opens: the Toast-Offs, the extended oral hygiene montages, the projects for school about eggs, the bad coffees made, the phone chargers stolen, the games of Scrabble played, the times the Mack family argued about what to eat or what to watch or who stole clothes from whom. Oh, random nonsense cold opens, you were always... there, and we shall sometimes remember you.

49 or so minutes left. Each one from here on out? Truly precious.

At Celia’s, Celia has gathered her family around to do an aggressively large jigsaw puzzle.

Frankly, I’m a bit worried for her. This puzzle size is the type you buy when you want to make a statement: No, I don’t have anything better to do and no, I don’t plan on leaving the house for the next week! This puzzle is my life now.

Bex comes walking in, finishing a phone conversation. She tells the family she won something. The family guesses what she won, but they don’t come anywhere close to the right answer, which is a free meal cooked by famous chef Raoul Ricci. No one’s heard of Raoul Ricci, not even Celia, which you might think would tip them off that something’s afoot here, but no one seems interested in digging for the truth.

Even a quick Google search would’ve told them that something was wrong, as it seems the only known Raoul Ricci is an Italian dentist.

Or, as they call them in Rome, a dentista.

Anyway, Bex explains, through a long and bewildering story, Raoul Ricci was famous and had restaurants, but then he didn’t want to have restaurants anymore, so he left to be a hermit.

Andi’s like...

...oh, can we keep him?

Bex explains the prize is that he’s going to cook for them. They just have to go out into the forest and find him. Once they do, though, he’s going to make them the meal of a lifetime.

I can’t stress enough how shady this sounds. There’s a 75% chance this ends with Raoul Ricci chasing the Macks through the woods in some kind of “Most Dangerous Game” type scenario.

Bowie and Andi are in. Celia’s like, this sounds like an awful pain.

Bex warns her if she doesn’t go, the whole family is going to “rhapsodize” about this meal forever. Quick question: where does Bex get off? Just dropping rhapsodize in a sentence like that? Who does she think she is? I’m offended for Celia and I’m offended for us.

Celia is still not interested, despite the threats of rhapsodization, so Bex turns to Andi and Bowie for help. They basically say they’re not going to do puzzle-time with Celia unless she goes with them to the woods, so she relents, with one condition.

A puzzle so big it causes you mental anguish just thinking about it. It ain’t a real puzzle unless your fingers are bleeding by the end.

Meanwhile, Cyrus, Buffy, and Jonah walk around, somewhere, and talk about that “thing” they all have tomorrow. Jonah’s worried he won’t be able to make the thing because his family is moving. Cyrus and Buffy agree to help him move, but Jonah asks Buffy if she will be able to, given her foot and all.

Buffy’s like, of course I can...

Okay, but I’m pretty sure a strong gust of wind could lift Cyrus. I would require stronger proof. Jonah, however, doesn’t need to see more than that minor show of strength, and agrees to let them help.

The next day, the Mack family is all loaded up in Celia’s SUV that we’re seeing for the first time this entire series in the penultimate episode. Celia goes through a long series of things to get ready to leave: moving seats, checking mirrors, putting on gloves, searching for sunglasses. It’s agonizing.

Eventually Celia puts on her suit of knight armor and night-vision goggles and chugs an entire large coffee and she’s ready to operate a motor vehicle.

I do want to warn her though, she should make sure all those production lights and reflectors are moved out of the way before she starts driving.

Wouldn’t want to run over one of the crew members.

Celia drives off. They head for the mountains.

And in a hurry, too. Celia seems to be doing at least 80 on these winding mountain roads.

Me? I’d be worried about ice or sudden hazards or taking a turn too fast, but I guess the Macks trust Celia’s driving ability more than I trust my own.

The Macks all sing songs and make jokes and-- OH MY GOD!

LOOK OUT FOR THAT BUS!

THEY’RE BOTH DOING 70 ON A TWO LANE MOUNTAIN ROAD AND HEADING RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER!

IS EVERY DRIVER IN THIS TOWN MAD?!

The family survives that hairpin turn, though, and makes it up to Mount Washington, named, of course, after America’s most famous obelisk.

Bex leads them onto the trail at Panther’s Hollow, which naturally leads Celia to ask if there are panthers around. Bowie’s like, no, no. Well, maybe one.

And then he scares the hell out of an already nervous elderly woman.

Everyone has a good laugh about it and they set off walking to find the hermit.

Then we get about twelve minutes of footage of the Mack family walking through the woods. I’m not going to include screencaps. I’m just adding that for posterity’s sake.

Over at the storage unit the Beck family rented to put all their stuff in, Cyrus and Buffy help Jonah move said stuff into trucks.

Cyrus comes across a crate of old VHS tapes and DVDs and screams when he sees their contents.

He calls Buffy over to show her.

It’s Judy Bartholomew!

Who’s Judy Bartholomew? She’s an old workout video lady who became a meme. Cyrus feels like he has to show Buffy the video, so he pulls out his phone.

They both have a good laugh about it. Cyrus is surprised to learn she’s real. He’s like, I can’t believe how big a fan Jonah’s mom is. She must be to have the entire Judy Bart collection like this.

Then Jonah’s mom shows up and she’s like, hey Jojobear, can I finally meet your friends? The ones you’ve been good friends with for like a year and a half now and that you won’t let me be around for some reason?

She walks over to Cyrus and Buffy who are shocked to see the Judy Bartholomew standing right in front of them.

Jonah’s like, yeah, it’s her.

Honestly, I’m impressed Jonah’s been able to hide his mom from his friends for this long. Did they never hang out around his family? Did she never come to pick him up from some place?

And doesn’t she wonder who his friends are? When he’d talk about the stuff they’d done together, would she just sit there going, “Oh, that sounds nice, Jonah. Sure would like to meet some of your friends one of these days.” And would Jonah be like, “Uh huh, yeah, you should,” and then he’d just continue putting it off for 15 months? Just kept kicking that can down the road?

Anyway, I still appreciate the show broaching this subject. Media so often lacks in representation of children whose parents have become internet memes.

Back out in the woods, the Macks walk through the woods. All but Bex grow restless. They ask her for proof that she knows where she’s going, like a map.

This doesn’t make them feel comforted.

Bowie pulls Bex aside and asks her what’s really going on. Bex is like, you trust me, right? Bowie says of course. Bex is like, okay, good, back into the forest we go and she walks off.

Bowie tells Andi and Celia it will all be worth it, like a liar, and they start another walking through the woods montage. Bex carries Andi. Bowie carries Celia.

This episode has more characters carrying other characters than any other episode the show has done.

Back at the storage unit, Judy Bart teaches Cyrus and Buffy how to trot.

She’s doing like this locomotion move, very simple.

Cyrus is like, AM I DOING IT?!

As he twists his body back and forth and throws his arms out.

Like, no, man. You can’t tell that what you’re doing is nothing like what Judy is doing? That it’s like, almost the opposite of what she’s doing?

Judy tells Jonah to show them how to do it, so Jonah steps up and does a whole dance routine that I’m also not sure is what Judy was doing.

But it looked good and had a nice finish, so whatever.

Jonah says he’s been doing that since he was six and it’s permanently ingrained in his head now like so many childhood scars.

Then Judy’s like, hey, didn’t you kids have to be in the mountains right about now? And they’re like, oh yeah, we have to get changed and get to the mountains, so they leave her in the storage unit.

Speaking of the mountains, the Macks find rocks.

They collapse on the rocks.

Bex is like, no, don’t sit on rocks now! We almost made it. The family doesn’t want to believe her, but she convinces them it’s true. She leads them around the bend where they find a fancy set up and...

Cyrus?

You see, Cyrus, for three years now, has been posing as celebrity chef Raoul Ricci and sneaking off to the mountains to prepare three course meals for random tourists.

No, wait.

Buffy appears from out of nowhere and this whole thing reeks of a setup.

How in the world did these two get up here so fast from the storage facility? Helicopter?

Andi’s like, what is going on? Where is the hermit I was promised?

Bex tells everyone there’s no hermit. This was all made up to trick everyone into going to the mountains. Bowie asks why.

Bowie’s like, oh, is that back on?

Cyrus and Buffy bring them rings and flowers.

Bowie’s says finally and they embrace.

They all head for a gazebo.

Jonah plays Bowie’s song, “You Girl”, on the guitar.

Andi walks Bex to Bowie.

The two take each other’s hands as the officiant begins doing his officianting.

Where did he come from, too? Did Jonah and Buffy and Cyrus ride up here with him? Carpool?

The wedding goes as weddings do. You know, rings and stuff. Bex and Bowie are about to kiss when--

Everyone looks around trying to figure out whose phone that is before Andi realizes it’s hers. She shuts it off and the music and kissing starts again.

They complete the kiss this time.

Bex is like, I know... it’s been a lot. Thanks for not fleeing.

Later, Bex and Bowie delight in calling each other husband and wife. Everyone is sort of shocked it actually finally happened.

The Mack family (the ones we’re still counting) share a hug.

That night, Cyrus shows Andi the Judy Bart videos and then he brags that they spent the day with her. Jonah says he introduced her to them. Andi doesn’t believe he knows her, but Jonah’s like, yeah, I do.

Andi’s stunned. She feels bad, but, in fairness to Andi, it’s super weird that Jonah kept her hidden this long anyway, especially from Andi of all people. She couldn’t be expected to make that guess.

Jonah’s like, don’t feel bad, the whole thing is funny. He used to be embarrassed about it but he’s over it. Andi says she can’t wait to meet her. And then they talk about meeting Jonah’s dad. Buffy makes a joke about his dad being one of the hairy guys from the workout video and Jonah’s like, yeah, he is.

Everyone sits around thinking about this for a second before they all decide Jonah’s joking.

He’s not.

I don’t know what makes them think Jonah has suddenly acquired a subtle sense of humor. Jonah’s idea of jokes are jump scaring Andi and “S’less.” You really think he’s got a level of clever beneath all that that he’s been hiding for a year and a half as if it was his mother?

Jonah leaves without saying another word.

Can I just take a quick second to try to piece together the history of the Beck family, because I find it fascinating.

So, sometime in the 1980s/early 1990s (I assume based on the fashion), Judy Bartholomew makes it big as a workout video star. Jonah’s father, Mr. Beck, is hired at some point to be a background guy in one of her videos.

I assume this is where they meet and fall in love. Later, they get married and have Jonah.

In the years that follow, Jonah’s dad undergoes a full-body transformation, getting buff and changing hairstyles and retires from the workout video business to coach little league, and, I guess, control the finances of the Judy Bartholomew workout empire.

Eventually, Jonah’s dad invests the Judy Bartholomew fortune unwisely, and the family loses their house, and they’re homeless until very recently when he gets a new job. Doing what? I have no idea. I can’t begin to assume what his area of expertise is.

I guess my question is this: does any child in this town have a quiet, average family? Buffy’s mom spends half her life in foreign countries doing work for the military and Buffy’s family is still somehow the most normal of the group’s.

Later, Andi wanders off from the group and checks her phone. That call earlier? It was from SAVA.

The school left her a voicemail. Andi listens to it and gets sad, but I don’t think in the “rejected from a school” way.

Plus, I don’t think schools call you just to tell you to screw off. “Hi, this is Caroline from SAVA. Is this Andi Mack? Okay, great. Just calling to tell you you weren’t good enough to get into our school. Have a nice evening.”

Bex and Bowie sneak up on Andi and scare her.

God, this poor girl must live in constant fear. Why is everyone always doing this to her?

As the episode ends, Bex and Bowie talk about how happy they are right now. Andi says she is, too.

Though, as TJ would say, “Tell your face.”

Speaking of TJ...

Aww, this is the last time I get to be excited about seeing TJ in the scenes from the next episode.

One more to go, people. One more.

[sagebodisattva]

The Universe Doesn’t Give a Shit About You

You know, one thing that has become seriously irritating nowadays, is this whole “the universe is doing something for you” shtick, that’s apparently become the latest favorite new age meme, currently making it’s rounds on the internets. Take a look at this stuff.

(A variety of examples are shown.)

And that’s just a small sampling. And this isn’t just a case of a few isolated incidents. This type of sentiment is everywhere now; seemingly having become all the rage among many aspiring spiritual truth seekers.

“Depressed? Cheer up. The universe is horny for you!”

By first appearances, making references to the universe seems to reflect a more scientifically based position, although, I don’t think these seekers really mean it in a scientific way. Essentially, these new age universe worshippers are just former theists, who probably finally realized the complete absurdity of that position, and so now, have shifted their heels over to pantheism; that is, a doctrine which identifies god with the universe, or regards the universe as a manifestation of god; which is basically a veneration of nature. And, as we all know, mother nature is pretty much a cold, predatory, discriminating bitch; so I’m not sure why anyone would associate nature with a benevolent god.

I know, god loves you so much, he allows evil to rack you to the core on purpose. It’s a test, right? It’s all part of his divine plan. God just wants to see if you will curse his name when he makes times get incredibly tough. It’s a Job type of deal. He’s forcing you into a position of struggle and suffering, all so he can wage a bet with the devil over whether or not you will be disobedient. Isn’t that just so cool of him? Now you get to show god just how loyal and subservient you are to him, despite all the abuses he hurls at you! That’s such an enviable position! The one true god loves you so much, he tortures you as a demonstration of just how much you worship and obey him. That’s what love is. And just think of how lucky you are! He picked *you* as a guinea pig in his twisted self aggrandizing experiment! He chose YOU! This would make such a great reality TV show!

Heaven and Hell productions, presents...

“The God Fucks Me Factor.”

Ah yes, it would be, so nice. Because god takes great pride in your blind obedience, you know. And he’s a very jealous god, if you can believe it. So what’s going on inside your head is of supreme importance him! You must think that you believe in him, then confess it with thy lips, and then go down, and perform some lip service on the godhead. You should show great pride in being a slave. It’s a feather in god’s cap. And now, can be more fully realized with the advent of pantheism. It’s theism, with a pan. It’s pantheism.

Famous 17th century Dutch philosopher Baruch Spinoza was really captivated by the idea of pantheism, and his many philosophical contemplations on the subject is largely responsible for ushering the position into modern day prominence. Pantheists do not celebrate a distinct personal or anthropomorphic god, but rather, accept all gods into worship, because they view god as everything. An ideological stance that can become quite problematic, to say the least.

Throughout history, pantheism has been a belief system that, in one form or another, tended to be the most common default faith practice among the many various indigenous peoples from around the globe. It’s the same ideologic methodology that the pagans of Europe used to practice; that is, before Rome came along and forced Christianity deep down into every person’s every available orifice. And you should always keep this historical fact in the forefront of your mind. Your Abrahamic belief system is the result of a Roman soldier raping someone’s great great great great grandma and grandpa with a big middle eastern theological strap-on dildo. Don’t you ever forget that. Your whole modern day spiritual life was originally founded on a theological psych-rape. Your precious sacred religion was passed down to you through your family being raped. And it’s no coincidence that Rome, an arrogant empire dead-set on conquering the entire world, found Christianity to be quite compatible with their grandiose ambitions. And that should tell you something about the core fabric of the Abrahamic cult religions.

So, pantheists believe that god is everything. All inclusive, with no exceptions. No standards or filter necessary. This includes every kind of concept; even the stupid ideas and majestic fantasies, floating around inside our heads. And this also includes every kind of object or person to have ever existed, no matter who or what they are. This means they are ALL god, whether it be a virus, a parasite or an infectious bacteria, whether it be a machine gun, cocaine or a dildo, whether John Wayne Gacy, the unabomber or Adolf Hitler, they are all but different forms of an ambiguous enigmatic god! He’s so complex, you can’t even fathom him. He’s got value and purpose so profoundly beyond your puny logic, you can’t even question him.

And not only is every kind of object or person a manifestation of god, but guess what? With pantheism, ALL the different gods, are god as well. It’s not that some gods are valid, and some gods are not, or that maybe all gods are completely full of shit, no! In fact, it actually quite the opposite, I’m afraid. Now, all different gods are actually the one same god. Every so called “god” is graciously welcomed into pantheism with open arms. Whether Yahweh, Zeus, Horace, or the great honorable bull testicle god, all of them are just different manifestations of the one same god!

Yeah. You know, when it gets right down to it, I don’t have any issue with the whole “god is everything”, bullshit, but, uh, to say the least, I think these concepts might be just a little *too* inclusive for most of the population’s tastes. They’re simply not palatable to their delicate tongue’s tender sensibilities, and they therefor much more prefer to perform oral worship on a single god head. Who am I to stop them?

But the concept of a universe is just so much better then a god, isn’t it? Yeah. It’s a better false substitution. The idea of the universe as a higher power is more soothing then the idea of a god as a higher power. This particular surrogate for the truth is just so much more secure and comforting. But in the end, it’s the same exercise. The idea that something ELSE in the field of perception is the responsible agent. In fact, most of this pantheism business just seems to be a matter of replacing the word “god” with the word “universe”, and calling this a new ideological position. Are you confused? Well, worry not! I will gladly give you a little taste, and bestow upon you three prime examples.

Quote:

“Never trust anyone completely but God. Love people, but put your full trust only in God.”

Lawrence Welk.

Nice. Which now becomes:

“Never trust anyone completely but the universe. Love people, but put your full trust only in the universe.”

Quote:

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Sweet. But could also be stated:

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is the universe’s handwriting.”

Quote:

“Man has to start with something and then develop it - he cannot ever make anything from nothing, only God can do that, and call forth the creation.”

Margaret Weston.

Awesome. But let’s not overlook:

“Man has to start with something and then develop it - he cannot ever make anything from nothing, only the universe can do that, and call forth the creation.”

See how it works? Just about any dialogue about god could still hold water when replacing the word “god” with “the universe.” So it’s really not all that much of a novel position. It’s just a convenient one-size-fits-all philosophical cure-all. An ideological placebo. And I’m not one who is much impressed by Dues Ex philosophy, which is what any type of theology basically is, including pantheism.

For those of you not familiar with the term, “Dues Ex”, it is derived from the term “Dues Ex Machina”, a Greek phrase, which translated means, “a god from a machine”, and is usually employed as a literary device, wherein an explicitly complex seemingly intractable problem in a plot narrative is suddenly inexplicably solved by the addition of an unexpected character, object or situation. Think the eagles coming to save Frodo from uncertain doom in the fiery volcano of Mordor. Basically, it’s a cheap fast way to tie up the loose ends of a difficult quandary. It’s ideological laziness, and quite frankly, has no place in philosophy, in much the same way that theism has no place in philosophy.

And by the way, speaking of the “a god from the machine” thought experiment, it reminds me that, when it comes to gods and machines and ghosts and men, philosophers have gotten the whole thing all wrong all along. A god may emerge from a machine, but if it does, bear in mind that both the god and the machine are equally sourced from the pure mind. And this is the part people just can’t seem to understand. Though-out history, philosophers have always deeply contemplated the idea of “a ghost in the machine”, but that’s because most philosophers think they are a physical creature living in a physical environment. But it’s a huge lie. There is no ghost in the machine. What you actually have, is a machine in the ghost; as, there is no such thing as physicality, and a “deterministic mechanical universe”, is just an abstraction. What you call “physicality”, is a denser mental state; and to attribute this mind-space into an idea of objective locality is just plain falsehood. It’s just plain wrongheaded.

And it doesn’t matter if you include the “self”, as god, because this “self”, is still an attribution. The egoic character that you’ve associated an identity with, isn’t a self, so this is still in the same realm of falsehoods. Illusion is everything on the screen of perception; including the physical body, and all it’s supposed psycho-biological properties. Wherein is any universe?

So that’s pantheism; which, I’m not all that partial towards, due to it’s attributional psychology, which shares the same central backbone as orthodox religion. Why would it be any different with pantheism? The responsibility is still elsewhere, hence the power is elsewhere also; so it matters not that you’ve replaced an anthropological deity with celestial chemistry. Same excrement, different poop chute. And that’s the same reason why, that if a truth seeker were to take a purely scientific position considering the universe, it wouldn’t be all that much different then a theist or a pantheist viewpoint.

“How’s that?”

That’s right, Charlie. As previously stated, a purely cosmological scientific viewpoint; that is, the idea of the universe as some grand cosmic physical context of exterior space consisting of a mixture of different objects and chemistries, is just that: an idea. In other words, also completely full of shit. There is no “universe”, existing, anywhere. And that’s why, the universe doesn’t give it a shit about you. There’s no vibrating strings out there governing some law of attraction that brings forth metaphysical emergent properties when you energetically match a frequency. No. What you really have, is just an IDEA of a universe, which is not really located in a space-time continuum, but, only imagined as a location in a mind-space continuum.

If you can understand this basic fundamental, then you may have finally grasped one of the basic truths of reality.

[claudia1829things]

“HARRIET” (2019) Review

"HARRIET" (2019) Review Many people are familiar with Harriet Tubman, the former slave-turned-Underground Railroad conductor-turned-Civil War operative-turned-political activist. She has appeared as a supporting character in a handful of television productions and the leading character in two other television productions. However, a full-length feature film has finally been made about the famous historical figure. That film is called "HARRIET".

As I had earlier stated, there have been two television productions about the famous Underground Railroad conductor. One of them was an episode from the 1963-1964 historical anthology series "THE GREAT ADVENTURE" called (1.06) "Go Down, Moses". It starred Ruby Dee. The other television production was the 1978 miniseries "A WOMAN CALLED MOSES", which starred Cicely Tyson. Following the latter, the Harriet Tubman figure appeared in a few television productions about slavery and the Underground Railroad until the release of this new film. "HARRIET" basically covered Tubman's life during a nine-year period between 1849 and 1850, along with a sequence set in 1858. The movie began in 1849 Maryland with Harriet (or Araminta "Minty" Ross Tubman, as she was known then), along with her husband John Tubman and father Ben Ross (both who were free) approached Harriet's owner Edward Bodress with a promise made by the latter's ancestor that her mother Harriet "Rit" Ross would be freed by the age of 45, along with their children (including Harriet). Bodress refused to acknowledge the promise. He also forbade Harriet from seeing her husband John. Brodess's adult son Gideon caught Minty praying for God to take Mr. Brodess. The latter died shortly afterward. Alarmed by this, Gideon decided to sell Minty as punishment. Suffering from spells that began after she had been struck in the head as a child, Minty had a vision of her being free and decided to run away. She convinced John to remain behind, in case he got caught and punished for escaping with her. Minty eventually reached Philadelphia and freedom. She managed to acquire a job, thanks to the assistance of Underground Railroad abolitionist/writer William Still and a fashionable free black woman named Marie Buchanon. After a few months in Philadelphia, Minty (who renamed herself as Harriet Tubman) returned to Maryland to retrieve John and discovered that he had remarried, believing she was dead. Instead, Harriet decided to escort some family members north to freedom and began her career as a conductor for the Underground Railroad. I have been aware of Harriet Tubman ever since I was a child of nine years old. My mother had purchased a copy of Marcy Heidish's 1976 novel called "A Woman Called Moses", the basis for the 1978 miniseries. But "HARRIET" marked the first time that Tubman was featured as the a character in a motion picture, let alone the leading character. So naturally, I had to see it. I had some problems with the movie. One, I could easily see that it was not historical accurate. This is not a real problem for me. After seeing two television productions that erroneously featured Harriet Tubman operating in the Ohio River Valley, the historical inaccuracies in this film struck me as a piece of cake. One example would be the scene during her own escape in which her new owner, Gideon Bodress, and a slave patrol cornered her on a bridge. Instead of surrendering, she evaded them by jumping into the river. Needless to say, no such thing happened, since her owner (Anthony Thompson), or any slave patrol were able to capture her during her journey to Philadelphia. But . . . I was able to tolerate this scene. Somewhat. I was also a bit confused about her relationship with John Tubman in this film. Director-writer Kasi Lemmons and co-writer Gregory Allen Howard portrayed Harriet or Minty's marriage as loving and trouble free. This has not been the case in another Hollywood production I could think of. Unfortunately, no one really knows whether the Tubmans had experienced any marital strife before her flight from Maryland. So . . . I tolerated this portrayal. However, the movie indicated that Minty had suggested John not run with her so that he would not be caught aiding a runaway. This is false. According to history, John did not want her to run in the first place. They also made it clear that John had remarried because he had assumed Minty/Harriet was dead. I do not know whether this is true or not. But it seemed as if Lemmons and Howard seemed hell bent upon portraying John in a positive light as much as possible. But there were changes in the narrative that left me scratching my head. "HARRIET" featured Minty making her escape from Maryland in the middle of the day . . . which I found odd. The movie had her working in a garden when someone warned her that Bodress had plans to sell her to the Deep South in order to alleviate family debts. No sooner had she received the warning, one of the plantation's foremen appeared to grab her. Minty ran and . . . hid. She hid around the plantation for hours before she contacted her family and left. What made this even more odd is that Bodress did not learn of her escape from the foreman until hours later. Which I found very odd. Historically, most slave escapes began in the middle of the night, not in the middle of the day. Why did Minty wait so long to contact her family before her escape? And why did the plantation foreman wait so long to inform Bodress? Also, she made most of her journey by night and hid during the daytime. Which would have made that daytime encounter on the bridge with Bodress somewhat implausible. I can only assume Lemmons and Howard had added it for dramatic reasons. In the movie, Minty/Harriet did not wait very long to return to Maryland and contact her family and John. After escorting several members of her family north, she returned to Maryland and helped others escape on several occasions before the passage of the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850. Now this is ridiculous. One, Tubman returned to Maryland to help some relatives escape at least three to four months after the law's passage. I find it very hard to believe that she had made so many trips to Maryland between her own escape in September 1849 and when the fugitive law was passed in September 1850. Another troubling aspect of the movie was the sequence featuring the passage of the Fugitive Slave Law. The movie featured a scene with former slaves - including Harriet - leaving en masse from the Philadelphia docks, while God knows how many slave catchers suddenly appeared to capture these fugitives. What the hell? I had felt as if I was watching a war movie with refugees escaping from an invaded city. Yes, many fugitive slaves were forced to flee the Northern states for Canada following the law's passage. But not like THAT. Not like a scene from "CASABLANCA" or "THE WINDS OF WAR". I have two more complaints. Why did Lemmons and Howard added that . . . relationship between Harriet and Bodress? Why? It was bad enough that Gideon Bodress never existed. But Tubman had never recounted having to deal with the unwanted sexual interest or assault from any white man. And I got the impression that Lemmons wanted to include some watered down version of the Patsey-Edwin Epps relationship from the Oscar winning film, "12 YEARS A SLAVE" - but without the overt violence and sex. It was obvious that Bodress had never laid a violent hand on Harriet in the film, aside from the slap on the face after he had overheard her wish for his father's death. But I find it implausible that Gideon Bodress had never attempted to sexually assault her. Even when his father was alive. Another sequence featured Northern black and white members discussing the Fugitive Slave Act passage and whether it would be safe to continue the Underground Railroad. What I disliked about this sequence is that most of them seemed to have this attitude without the organization's conductors appearing on Southern plantations to lead them, many slaves would not be willing to escape or would not succeed in escaping. And this was far from the truth. One could argue that this scene was a perfect example of patronization from Northern abolitionists. But Harriet did not point out that slaves were capable of escaping on their own. Instead, she simply argued for the continuation of the Underground Railroad. Which simply made her equally patronizing to me. One would think that I disliked "HARRIET". That person would be wrong. I actually enjoyed it very much. Despite some of the narrative choices, lightweight characterizations and historical inaccuracies; "HARRIET" was both an entertaining and interesting film. One, it is nice to see Hollywood produce a feature film about the former abolitionist. "HARRIET" is a thoughtful drama about a period in United States history about which very few Americans want to discuss, let alone contemplate. Like other Hollywood productions, the movie mainly featured Tubman's early career as an Underground Railroad conductor. I had assumed that it would also focus on her Civil War experiences, due to some publicity stills released before the film hit the theaters. But the movie only included a coda, featuring Tubman's participation in a raid during the war. "HARRIET" was, without a doubt, about her role with the Underground Railroady. Due to the film's focus on Harriet's career as an Underground Railroad conductor, it did not focus that strongly on her family life . . . with the exceptions of her attempts to lead them to freedom. Many critics have complained about this. But I can understand why Lemmons only focused on one aspect of Harriet's life. This was a feature-length film that ran nearly two hours, not a television miniseries. Frankly, I thought it was smart of her to focus one one aspect of Harriet's life, considering the format she had used. And she focused on one of the former slave/abolitionist's most famous period in her life - namely that as an Underground Railroad conductor. Only through this story arc was the movie able to somewhat focus on her connection to her family. In fact, one the most interesting arcs in this narrative proved to be a sequence that featured Tubman's attempts to rescue her sister Rachel and the latter's children. This focus on Harriet's career with the Underground Railroad allowed Lemmons and Howard to reveal Harriet as action heroine she truly was. The writers' narrative arc also featured some well staged action sequences. Among my favorite sequences are Harriet's initial escape from Maryland and her successful rescue of Rachel's children in the film's second half. Both struck me as well-shot sequences that featured a great deal of more tension and drama than action. And I thought the focus on these two aspects may have allowed the sequences to be more effective without the obvious action. I also enjoyed the movie's final action sequence in which Harriet attempted to rescue and lead her parents to freedom in the late 1850s. Not only was this sequence filled with the usual solid action for this trope, it featured a tense-filled final confrontation between Harriet and Bodress. I certainly did not have a problem with the film's production values. I thought Warren Alan Young did an exceptional job in re-creating antebellum America, especially in scenes that featured the Bodress plantation, Baltimore (at least I think it is), Canada and especially Philadelphia. I believe Young was ably supported by John Troll's sharp and colorful cinematography, Wyatt Smith's film editing, Kevin Hardison and Christina Eunji Kim's art direction, and Marthe Pineau's set decorations. I also have to commend Paul Tazewell for his costume designs. I thought Tazewell did an excellent job of conveying the movie's setting and characters through his costumes, as shown in the images below:

I have a confession to make. Aside from a handful, I was not exactly blown away by the performances featured in "HARRIET". I am not claiming that most of the performances were terrible or even mediocre. I simply found them solid . . . or serviceable. There were a few that I found slightly above being serviceable - like Janelle Monáe, Leslie Odom Jr., Zackary Momoh, Tim Guinee, Henry Hunter Hall, Joseph Lee Anderson, Jennifer Nettles and Omar J. Dorsey. But like I had said, there were a few that struck me as memorable. One of them Clarke Peters, who gave a subtle, yet warm portrayal of Harriet/Minty's father, Ben Ross. I was also impressed by Vanessa Bell Calloway, who gave an exceptional performance as the abolitionist's emotional and slightly edgy mother, Harriet Ritt Ross. Joe Alwyn did an excellent job of portraying Gideon Bodress as a slightly complex character without transforming the character into a one-note, mustache-twirling villain. And I really enjoyed Vondie Curtis-Hall's subtle, yet colorful portrayal of Reverend Green, the local free black minister, who also happened to be a member of the Underground Railroad. But the performance that really counted in "HARRIET" came from leading lady Cynthia Erivo. It is almost a miracle that Erivo managed to give such an exceptional performance as Harriet Tubman. I say this, because Lemmons and Howard had failed to fully portray Tubman as a complex human being with not only virtues, but also a few flaws. Their Tubman almost struck me as a borderline Mary Sue, due to their determination to basically portray her as an action heroine. But they did provide some intimate moments between Tubman, her family and friends. And this gave Erivo the opportunity to skillfully convey the warm, yet strong-willed individual underneath the heroic facade. This was especially apparent in scenes that featured Tubman's desperation to put as much distance between her and the Bodress plantation as possible; her determination to return to Maryland to rescue her family; and her discovery that her husband had married another woman. Thanks to her superb performance, Erivo managed to earn both Golden Globe and Academy Award nominations for Best Actress. And if I must be brutally honest, she deserved them. Overall, I enjoyed "HARRIET". I have always been interested in Harriet Tubman as a historical figure and was happy to see a motion picture about her. It was not the best or most compelling biopic I have ever seen. Nor was it the best biopic about Tubman I have ever seen. But I cannot deny that thanks to Kasi Lemmons and Gregory Allen Howard's interesting screenplay, Lemmons' solid direction and a first-rate cast led by Cynthia Erivo, "HARRIET" is a movie that I will be more than happy to watch on many occasions in the future.